Homeschool Myth #1: You Need Limitless Patience

I don’t Have the Patience

“I could never homeschool. I don’t have the patience for it!” Thus goes the most common refrain I heard from other parents when they first learned I homeschooled – back in the day, of course (my kids are all now in college).

My reply never varied. “Neither do I!” I would exclaim.

Homeschooling has been called “parenting on steroids,” and it’s true. A homeschool mom or dad is with the next generation 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, with no weekends, no planning periods (at least not in my case) and you’ll often boast an entourage when you visit the necessary room. You’ll have every button you own pushed (including many buttons you didn’t know existed), you play the roles of both parent and teacher, and you will have every grain of patience tried, tested, and expended – often before 9:00 a.m.

Yet you do NOT need a limitless amount of patience. What you DO need is a vibrant relationship with the Most High God. He is the Giver of all good gifts, and that includes patience. Instead of needing to be able to rely on your own strong & stalwart patience, you need to live in surrender to His Holy Spirit daily, hourly, so the fruit of patience can grow in you.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience... (Galatians 5:22a, emphasis mine).

Patience Is a Fruit

Don’t miss this: since patience is a fruit, we must remember fruit takes time to grow and mature. Patience is not a prerequisite for beginning a home school; it is a fruit cultivated as you walk through the process. And it is worth the labor to cultivate.

Will you fail? Absolutely. But I would argue it is actually good for you children to see past a carefully-curated, self-reliant, perfect-but-false image and instead watch the process of sanctification unfold in a real human being.

In fact, I see it as an advantage to homeschooling that your children have a front-row seat to watching you deal with your emotions, frustrations, and become impatient with them. It’s good they get to see you deal with stress inappropriately and repent, get back up, and keep going. It’s a lesson like no other when your young ones watch you lose your cool and learn that the world does not shift off its axis and career through space like an oversized ping-pong ball when a human being fails to respond to stress in perfect patience.

It is also good for children to learn that patience is developed over time so they know that they, too, will be afforded the opportunity to develop patience rather than carrying the weight of being expected to handle every bump with perfect composure the first time around.

When they see you fail, get up, dust yourself off, and keep going, they learn to do the hard work of moving through failure and sin to a place of repentance and renewal. Not to mention perseverance; that gem of a virtue which is so lacking in modern society.

Impatience Is Human

But of course, we are a notoriously impatient species. Just think of what happened to the fledgling nation of Israel when their leader Moses took a bit over a month in meeting with the Almighty and bringing back the tablets of His covenant. Rather than taking it as a good sign when they saw God’s glory remaining on the mountaintop, the restless horde decided to chip in their varied jewelry and make a trinket to worship. Impatience isn’t a modern problem; it’s a human one.

When the people saw that Moses delayed to come down from the mountain, they people gathered themselves together to Aaron and said to him, “Up, make us gods who shall go before us. As for this Moses, the man who brought us out of the land of Egypt, we do not know what has become of him: (Exodus 32:1, emphasis mine).

Would it be convenient if God called us to do hard things like homeschool and just bestowed upon us a wealth of patience, wisdom, and genius right off the bat, making us supernaturally perfect at the job at hand? Of course it would be convenient. But it wouldn’t build our relationship with Him as we learn to come and ask for our daily bread – or daily patience – and rely utterly on Him.

Trusting God to Fill our Lack

My friends, more than God wants perfectly patient little children, He wants children who understand our aching need of Him and who depend on Him in relationship. The psalmist writes in Psalm 81:10, “I am the LORD your God, who brought you up out of the land of Egypt. Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it.”

This is what He wants for us in anything we lack – a heart that understands its own fallibility and a desire to ask our Father for what we do not have, trusting Him to give it.

In my homeschool days when my patience was tapped (as it often was), I learned to cry out to the God who always showed such patience with me. And more importantly than anything else, I learned that my God’s grace truly is sufficient and His power is made perfect in my weakness – just as He said.

Watching the Fruit Grow

So what is the fruit of this daily struggle to learn patience, to fail and get up and try again? For one thing, I am a far more patient person than I was when I began this journey.

Perhaps more compelling is what I see in my kids, all in college as of this writing. They did not turn out perfect, nor did I expect them to. But at the ages of 23, 21, and 19, they are absolutely amazing young people. They are delightful to be around, they make me laugh and we have real fun together. Really. I enjoy my adult children, and they astonish me with their wisdom, their grit, and their willingness to do hard things.

And would you believe it? Each one of them has more patience in their early 20s than I did even in my 30s and 40s. They are not perfect, but they are exponentially more impressive and enjoyable than I was a their ages.

Patience, it seems, is not only taught through personal trial but also passed on to your young as they participate in the process. Our God is just good like that.

So if you are thinking of homeschooling but fear you don’t have enough patience, allow me to set your mind at rest: you don’t. Instead, you have something far better – 24/7 access to the Father of Lights who loves to give good gifts to His children and is there with you through the painful parts of acquiring those gifts. And you also have my testimony that it is worth it.

I hope that helps in some small way.

4 More Reasons to Homeschool

Merely having an open mind is nothing. The object of opening the mind, as of opening the mouth, is to shut it again on something solid.

G. K. Chesterton

In the previous homeschool post, I discussed the #1 reason to go for it if you sense the Lord leading you to educate your own children. Today I want to look at four more solid reasons to homeschool. After this post, I’ll begin diving into more advice, hoping you can learn from my mistakes as well as glean wisdom from those things that, by God’s grace, I did well. 🙂 So without further ado, here are four more reasons to homeschool:

TO Equip the Next Generation of Christians

One key reason to homeschool is to truly equip the next generation for service to the Lord. Homeschooling puts one in a unique position to model a walk with God because your children will see you both at your best and at your worst. Thus, you will get plenty of opportunities to model not only diligent service to others, self-sacrifice, and humility; you will also have the chance to model repentance.

Trust me on this.

Also, the 24/7 nature of homeschooling means you get to walk out your faith in front of your children. They will see you prioritize your own time in the Word (which also gives you built-in accountability). You can point out to them the ways you see God at work in and around you, helping them to see Him as living and active and real.

Additionally, when your kids ask difficult questions from the Bible (and they will), you have the distinct privilege of clarifying your belief system in tandem with passing it on. It’s good for them to understand it’s OK not to know all the answers; it’s equally good to dig in together – researching and wrestling out those tough theological points with the Lord. Not only will your kids learn and grow, you will as well.

Follow the pattern of the sound words that you have heard from me, in the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus

2 Timothy 1:13

To Raise Functional, Godly Adults

A modern parenting myth is that parents should strive to raise happy children. I respectfully and vehemently disagree. Parents should raise God-fearing adults who are capable of resilience and stamina in a fallen world. Happiness will come and go, but “godliness with contentment is great gain” and actually assures eternal happiness that will far outlast the temporary highs and lows of physical life.

The aim of our charge is love that issues from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith.

1 Timothy 1:5

And to be frank, you do not really want your sweet ones to be permanent children. You want them to learn to do things for themselves; to try and fail and learn that failure is not the end of the world; to step out of their comfort zone and experience difficulty so they can see God really is with them in the valleys of deep darkness – and that the darkness has an end.

This means the goal of homeschooling should not be to coddle and shelter but to equip and prepare. Keep this thought in the back of your mind when you’re tempted to just give an A or let deadlines become negotiable or negligible.

Sure, your second grader may be sad if you mark a big red X on her math problem or your fourth-grader may have hurt feelings from your constructive criticism of his book report. But learning that their value is not derived from their performance is more important than temporary feelings. Not to mention how learning accountability, working to achieve goals, handling feedback, and dealing with deadlines and expectations will prepare them for things like jobs and bills and marriage and ministry and life.

And again, if I may be frank? God does not call His children to soft, pleasant pastimes. He calls us to take up our crosses daily and follow Him. It’s OK to teach this to your children. In fact, it’s recommended.

To Teach Your Kids to Think

And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength…

Mark 12:30, emphasis mine

Let’s face it: our public school system has gotten so caught up in bureaucracy, it’s long ago lost the mission of teaching a generation to think. Instead, I would argue most schools nowadays teach kids WHAT to think instead.

Thinking is becoming a lost art. Don’t let it happen. Your kids need to learn to love God with all their mind, and you are in a position to help them become good stewards of those minds. When your kids ask for help with a problem or have a question, whether about school work or anything else, resist the temptation to tell them the answer. Instead, ask follow-up questions to help them think through it and arrive at the answer themselves.

Invite an attitude of exploration with the divining rod of God’s Word as your center. Dive into other worldviews and dissect them according to biblical truth. Dig into tough questions about faith, culture, or even the biblical text itself. Help your kids see that God is the Author of truth and that all truth leads back to Him.

Prepare them to think so when people spout memorized anti-Christian sentiments or cultural confusion (such as the current gender chaos) at them in college or the workplace, they will be ready to address them without fear but with confidence in the Lord who gave them a mind they are already accustomed to loving Him and others with.

Is this harder and more time-consuming? Yes. But it is absolutely worth it.

To Develop Lifelong Learners

A final reason is to develop lifelong learners, not just box-checkers. You can infect your kiddos with the joy of learning about this immense and fascinating world God made as well as the depths of the Infinite God who made it.

In a homeschool, learning isn’t confined to a classroom but seeps into every aspect of life. Children can participate from a very early age in caring for the home, learning skills like laundry and cooking, and even being a part of shopping and other mundane tasks.

Car rides and the lunch table become places where ideas are brought out and discussed. In fact, some of our most incredible teachable moments happened in the car. So resist the easy button of handing them a device to entertain and anesthetize them when you take that hour drive to a field trip. Instead, engage your kids in conversation even when they are little. This pays out big dividends in the teen years and beyond.

My three are in college, and I have THE best time talking to them still to this day. They are intelligent, articulate, and fascinating people, and I’m glad I stuck it out and engaged with them through endless trivia about Thomas the Tank Engine and friends or the battery of ten thousand questions before noon each day. Now when I talk to them, I’m often the one learning – especially in their respective fields of study (structural engineering, cellular & molecular biology, and kinesthesiology).

As Tim Hawkins says it in his “Homeschool Blues” song, “They say, ‘You think you can school your kids better?’ Pretty much!”

Homeschool Blues

Why Homeschool? Reason #1

Before I get into the reasons to homeschool, let me start by setting the record straight: I am not one of those girls who grew up dreaming about having kids or homeschooling. Quite the opposite. I was more of a Moses type, answering God’s call with, “Oh, my Lord, please send someone else (Exodus 4:13).

And while I know homeschooling was the right choice for my family, I know it because it was not my idea; it was God’s. Not everyone is called to homeschool, and not everyone who homeschools should be doing so – or at least, they should be taking it more seriously than they do.

That being said, there are SO many good reasons to homeschool, some of which I touched on in a previous post. But of all the excellent reasons, the most important one is given straight from the mouth of the Almighty. The biggest reason to homeschool is to equip the next generation to truly love, obey, and serve the Lord our God.

You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.

Deuteronomy 6:5-7

The original Hebrew of this passage brings out a richer context, especially in the first sentence. The Hebrew word translated heart (לבב; levav) was understood a little differently in the culture and context of the time. Nowadays, we think of the heart as the seat of our emotions; i.e. we feel with our heart.

But the Hebrew word connotes not only the idea of emotion, but also of will & desire or determination, of our thinking & reflecting; the seat of intent and understanding.

Depending on the translation, the same word (levav) is translated as mind in Deuteronomy 30:1 & Jeremiah 51:50; as understanding three times in Job (see 12:3, 34:10, 34:34), and even when translated as heart often carries implications of the seat of reasoning, pondering, and decision-making (such as seeking God with all your heart as in Jeremiah 29:13 and others). In 1 Chronicles 22:7, some versions translate it as intended to or wanted to (build the house of God). And these are a mere handful of examples.

Loving God with all our soul is probably more straightforward, though it could be noted the Hebrew (נַפְשְׁ; nephesh) can be translated as breath. Thus, we are to love God with the very breath in our lungs!

Finally, we come to loving Him with all our might. Once again, the Hebrew is a bit different and even translates rather awkwardly. It literally says to love God with all our meod, our very. This word is used in such phrases as tov meod (very good) or gadol meod (very large).

How does one love God with all one’s very-ness? In my mind, I am to love Him with EVERYTHING that is me – all I am and all of it. Thoroughly. Verily, if you will – or one could say with our muchness, to borrow from Tim Burton’s take on the Mad Hatter.

“‎You’re not the same as you were before,” he said. You were much more… muchier… you’ve lost your muchness.”

Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 1999 movie

And so far, I’ve not even unpacked how all this ties into homeschooling. That bit is in verse 7: “You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.”

And that, my friends, is homeschool in a nutshell. The most significant reason is to give our lives to discipleship of the children God has entrusted to us, knowing full well where they spend eternity is more important than any other lesson. Thus we talk about it throughout the day – an easier task when homeschooling.

Will it mean making temporary and material sacrifices? Yes.

Will it cost you a career? Possibly.

Will it be easy? No.

And will you see guaranteed results, rewards, fruit? Not necessarily.

But if you are called by God to do it, obedience is still the best decision you can make. The results are up to Him. Your job is to do the job He gives you to do with all your will, all your breath, and all your very-ness. Be muchy for Christ, talk about Him incessantly, and let Him do the rest.

Next time, we’ll get into other very practical reasons to homeschool. I look forward to sharing them with you. I’d love to hear from you, so feel free to comment, like, or share if you found this post helpful!

Tanstaafl and Education: A Homeschool Resource

“Oh, ‘tanstaafl.’ Means ~’There ain’t no such thing as a free lunch.’ And isn’t,” I added, pointing to a FREE LUNCH sign across room, “or these drinks would cost half as much. Was reminding her that anything free costs twice as much in long run or turns out worthless.”

“An interesting philosophy.”

“Not philosophy, fact. One way or other, what you get, you pay for.”

-excerpt from The Moon Is a Harsh Mistress by Robert A. Heinlein

Free Public Education

My nation has a free public education system. And by free, I mean paid for by tax dollars, which means it is not technically free. It also means whatever agency or group handles the funneling of said tax dollars into our education system very likely has more clout than the taxpayers when it comes to policy-making, curriculum choosing, and other ways those hard-taxed dollars are used.

And this is a problem inasmuch as too few of our officials know what a child is, much less what is good for one. Most of their time seems to be spent in an abstract political universe with only brief forays into reality.

And thus, the sorry phrase, good enough for government work now applies to the shaping and curation of many young minds across the USA. The word tanstaafl pops into my mind most often alongside thoughts of the American free public education.

A Brief History of Public Education in America

It wasn’t always this way. In the early agrarian years of this nation, children most often learned incredible amounts of information just by living and working alongside their parents. Survival was the reward, and I’d argue it was a better one than a paper degree. But that’s another topic.

In the earliest days, wealthy families often had tutors while poorer families taught their own kids what they needed to survive and run the family business or farm. The farther from a town or village one’s family lived, the less likely one was to have access to formal education of any sort.

Formal education was pretty haphazard, seasonal, and utterly dependent on a wide variety of factors foreign to the modern lifestyle. Basic math and reading were often taught at home through the normal course of life – items bought or sold in town, the reading of the Scriptures, and keeping up letter correspondence with family and friends far away.

By the 18th century, towns and villages might have a small common school – often doubling as the church meeting place on Sunday and as often staffed by either a preacher (if the town was lucky enough to have one in residence), itinerant teachers, or just someone who was willing, whether or not he or she were trained. These early schools were often tuition-based or funded by the generosity of the townspeople, though not always in dollars and cents. A parent might provide housing for the teacher, and bartering for goods & services flourished in those days.

It wasn’t until the 1830s that a more systematic public education system began to form. Even then, it barely resembled our modern schools. There were no minimum ages, children came if and when they could, and training in morality was seen as an imperative to producing good citizens along with an almost-secondary focus on the “Three R’s” of reading, writing, and ‘rithmatic.

Factory Model Learning

By and large, our current educational model was shaped by the assembly-line mentality of the industrial revolution. Today, its shape is maintained more by politics than by professors. Ask any public-school teacher today, and he or she will tell you how much time is spent collecting data points on students, preparing for standardized tests, trying to enforce discipline without tools, tweaking lesson plans for IEPs, and so on.

The complaint I hear most from my teacher friends is that they don’t get to actually teach. They’re too busy dealing with the latest policies and trying to find the kids lost in the cracks of the ever-fluctuating standards.

Tanstaafl. You get what you pay for, and I can tell you first-hand that you are NOT paying to adequately compensate the teachers who now have more hoops to jump through than a circus lion. The public school system of today is profoundly broken, and it is not the fault of the teachers. Most of them are like the children of Israel in Egypt, being told to churn out the same number of bricks and supply their own materials to make them with – or else.

So the taskmasters and the foremen of the people went out and said to the people, “Thus says Pharaoh, ‘I will not give you straw. Go and get your straw yourselves wherever you can find it, but your work will not be reduced in the least.’ ”

Exodus 5:10-11

Now What?

In the post-COVID19 world, more and more people are choosing to homeschool. Private school is simply not always affordable. And if I may be frank? Neither is public school. There are always extras – sports fees, supply fees, keeping-up-with-the-joneses fees. Not to mention the non-financial costs of policies driven more by adult political games than by concern for the wellbeing of human children.

When the world closed in 2020, more and more parents saw that their kids learned as much or more at home than they did spending several hours a day in a classroom full of cell phones and weary teachers staggering under the weight of the “thou shalt” agendas of the modern educational system.

This is not the world I began homeschooling in, but it is the one we live in today. And please hear me when I say: I don’t believe everyone is called to homeschool, nor do I believe everyone should. But if you find yourself thinking about homeschooling, please allow me the privilege of sharing the journey with you. I am planning on several posts to share what I learned in my years of homeschooling.

Stay Tuned

Stay tuned, and you’ll get the benefit of hearing what I did wrong and what I learned through those mistakes. You’ll also get to see where God led me to do something right quite despite myself. I hope you’ll be encouraged, challenged, and maybe even entertained. But most of all, I hope to honor God by taking what He has given me and pouring it into the generations coming up next.

How many posts will I write? Well, that depends. It depends on varying time demands, health considerations, family financial needs, and things like that; but mostly it depends on whether or not my scribblings prove helpful to others. Because what I learn, experience, feel, or endure was never meant for me alone. It is meant to be shared so that you may be strengthened and God glorified.

So I invite you to “listen in” as I recap this section of the race I’ve run, and I sincerely hope it helps!

For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort.

2 Corinthians 1:5-7
References

/https://www.americanboard.org/blog/11-facts-about-the-history-of-education-in-america

/https://edtechbooks.org/effective_teaching_in_the_secondary_classroom/a_short_history_of_education_in_the_united_states

/https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDZFcDGpL4U

/https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/ED606970.pdf

Overwhelmed

TBT: I won’t normally post this many times in a week, but a teaching in my Wednesday night Bible study (now meeting virtually) reminded me of this…

Heather Davis's avatarRunning the Race

And Jacob said, “O God of my father Abraham and God of my father Isaac, O LORD who said to me, ‘Return to your country and to your kindred, that I may do you good,’ I am not worthy of the least of all the deeds of steadfast love and all the faithfulness that you have shown to your servant, for with only my staff I crossed this Jordan, and now I have become two camps.
Genesis 32:9-10

Reading through the Old Testament as a new Christian, I remember being overwhelmed by sheer frequency of  slaughter documented in its pages. I knew then that God is good and that His purposes are just, but in those early years I really struggled with the annihilation of peoples and nations that are recounted in the Book.

In more recent years, God has brought me to an even more acute understanding of my sin and His sovereignty than ever before — and that’s…

View original post 409 more words

Thank You

View Post

This is just a quick thank you to all of my followers! I’ve been out of the loop off and on this last couple of years. Raising teenagers has kept me very busy in my analog life, so my digital presence has been spotty.

However according to WordPress, Running the Race recently passed 500 followers. So thank you for your patience, support, and for reading! I pray something here has been helpful to you!

Much love,

Heather

Redeeming the Time

Once again, friends, my analog life is taking precedence over my digital one. I have so many things swirling around in my mind but little time to put them down in virtual ink. So for this week, I thought I’d repost an oldie (without rereading it) based on the verse I’ve been meditating on the last day or two.

Hope to see ya soon!

Heather Davis's avatarRunning the Race

Then watch how carefully you walk, not as unwise, but as wise ones, redeeming the time, because the days are evil.
Ephesians 5:15-16, LITV

After writing what ended up being closer to something like three separate posts concerning my thoughts about the fact, often mentioned in my circles, that Christians are viewed by many people as intolerant, bigoted, self-righteous, and other less-than-flattering labels, I have decided not to publish it… at least not right now.

Instead, as I have studied through the book of Ephesians, it struck me that there are several highly-relevant passages in the little letter that are probably worthy of greater consideration at present than my inane puzzlings over other folks’ perceptions.

For example, the focus for today in Ephesians 5:15-16 is a pretty little jewel that those of us who are in Christ ought to polish and wear prominently as this ugly little election season grinds to…

View original post 570 more words

Gone Fishin’

Well, I finished the Tuesday prayer a day late (actually a week and a day late, but who’s counting?) along with a little note that I’ll be taking July off from blogging. But lo and behold, the thing’s vanished. Every word of it.

So instead of starting from scratch and rewriting the thing, I’m just going to settle for the “taking July off” bit. I’m praying for the Church and for the lost. Always. But I’ll not be jotting them down on this virtual space for a little bit.

Too much to juggle and my kids are growing up way too quickly. See you in August!

Daddy Can

I just got back from an eventful few days in New Orleans, LA working with a mission group on a seminary campus. My church family and I packed in a lot to our little trip and it may take me a day or so to regain my bearings. On the trip, I was able to spend some time with the same little cuties from this post 2 years ago, it felt appropriate to reblog. Some of my questions from 2016 have been answered and others have not. But what I have gained since then is a certainty that God is good no matter what…

Heather Davis's avatarRunning the Race

Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?”
Matthew 14:31

Yesterday, I had the privilege of spending a few hours with two sweet young ladies, ages one and three. It has been a while since my kids were that age, and I found it delightful to go through the nap time, the fascination with all the big, wide world, and even the inevitable but short-lived teary sessions when big sister got a little too intense for little sister.

During our time together, the oldest one frequently told me such things as, “My daddy can build anything!

When the littlest was carrying around a piece broken off from a yard toy, big sister had no doubts. “My daddy will fix it.”

When we found two sky-blue bird eggs in the grass, she said, “My daddy…

View original post 678 more words

On Bridles and Leashes

Some old thoughts while I’m out of the “office…”

Heather Davis's avatarRunning the Race

Be not like a horse or a mule, without understanding, which must be curbed with bit and bridle, or it will not stay near you.
Psalms 32:9

I have very little experience with horses, but this verse rings true to me nonetheless. What I do have is a dog that I absolutely adore. Actually, I have two dogs but one if them is squarely my dog.

When she was a puppy,  she would only sleep in the crate if it was positioned where she could see me in the bed. If I leave through the downstairs door, she is often found waiting for me on the top stair when I return.

YumiWaiting004

Her crate days are long over, and while she has branched out a little and often ventures into rooms I am not present in, she does still, for the most part, follow me like… well, like a puppy dog.  She…

View original post 608 more words