Blessing

O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; 
my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water. 
So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary, beholding your power and glory.
Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you. So I will bless you as long as I live; in your name I will lift up my hands.
(Psalm 63:1-4)

So how are you holding up during COVID Madness? I’m still enjoying having all my family around for the most part. But I won’t lie: I miss my friends. I miss seeing one daughter play tennis, and this weekend, I’ll miss seeing my other daughter’s now-cancelled spring play.

Finances are a bit tight, too. I’d hoped for more chances to substitute at the school while working on this silly book and help out with our expenses -which have increased. And in truth, I’m a bit sick of never being able to keep the house clean.

Even still, I count myself very blessed.

Wild Violet

I am blessed not because life is perfect and my kids have all the opportunities we’ve sacrificed to give them. I’m blessed because I know the Creator of the universe. Because my Lord died to give me access to the Throne of Grace. Because in Christ, I have the astonishing privilege of meeting with the Almighty, of reading His word and talking to Him, every single day.

Each day, I also love to walk in my neighborhood and marvel at the beauty He’s placed all around me. Even the weeds here are pretty.

Even more, though, I marvel that the same God who put such detail in the tiniest of flowers has put the same amount of attention into the details of my life.

Every single thing – from chronic pain and fatigue to the challenges and joys of motherhood; from a childhood of sorrows to a roller-coaster adult life; from the roof over my head to the dirty floor under my feet – all of it, He has used for my good. Preparing me. Changing me. Growing me.

Because He is a good Father, my God has not kept me from hard things in life. Instead, He has used the hard things to teach me more about Himself. To expose my need of Him and to shred my awful pride.

I am blessed not because of what He gives me, but because of who He is. He is my God, my King, my Savior, and my Rock. He is my Reason for doing everything I do. And He is worth it, not because He is the Giver of good gifts. He is the Good Gift.

Whom have I in heaven but you? 
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. 
My flesh and my heart may fail, 
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
(Psalm 73:25-26)

Y’all, I am totally in love with the Lord my God. Even now when life isn’t easy and the future is unknown. Truth be told, the future has always been unknown to me. But not to God.

Dwarf Larkspur along a trail

In Christ alone, I have peace. Apart from Him, I not only have nothing, I am nothing. But in His love, knowing that He is my future and my hope, I have Shalom. Peace.

Because His steadfast love is better than life, I will praise Him. No matter what.

Friends, I pray that You will seek Him with all your heart and find Shalom beneath the sheltering wings of the Most High. Even now. Especially now.

A Pandemic Invitation

But I trust in you, O Lord;
I say, "You are my God,"
My times are in Your hand...
Psalm 31:14-15a

How is everyone holding up through this COVID-19 pandemic?

We are doing well here in my corner of the world. Huddled at home but not in fear, enjoying one another and leaning in to God.

This same God, by the way, has faithfully met our needs thus far. Not all of our wants – we are all being required to let go of those these days, huh? But we do not lack anything we need. We have food, water, clothing, and yes, even toilet paper.

He has also supplied joy, peace, and patience as we are compelled to be together almost constantly under one roof, living a different life in April than we could have guessed at in our wildest imaginings at the beginning of March.

Yes, life is uncertain these days; yes, there are shortages; yes, there is a great deal of misinformation and disinformation circulating; and yes, there is a staggering amount we do not know about what will happen.

But allow me to ask a question: How is this different than any other day? Only in our awareness of it. We feel out of control, reeling with uncertainty about what tomorrow may bring.

The truth its, all that’s really been lost is the illusion of control.

Just because a new virus stalks the world does not change this fact, though it has enhanced it. You and I, we never had control over our lives. We simply were surrounded by so much routine, so much accessibility, and so many things obtainable that we weren’t aware of it.

Yet even a month ago when we could pick up toilet paper any day on our way home from work or school, we had no guarantees of arriving home. On any given day, a vehicle accident could rob us of life. Or our hearts could cease to function. Or we could break our necks tripping over stairs as we bring the toilet paper into the house. Or one of dozens of other “what ifs” could happen.

Over sixteen years ago, my life was altered by a virus. Not COVID-19 but viral meningitis landed me in the hospital and triggered a chronic headache condition accompanied by chronic fatigue. And yet, I still do not fear this new threat.

Why? Because I trust in the One who holds my times in His hands. The illusion of control had already been stripped from me only to be replaced by an experience of חֶסֶד (chesed); of the steadfast and unwavering love of the Lord God.

For over sixteen years, He has continually been showing me how good He is, how He can provide, how He does wonders even in the midst of unrelenting pain, how His strength is truly perfect in my overwhelming mental, physical, and emotional weakness.

I not only believe these things to be true, I have lived their truth. I know them like I know my way around my house.

Friend, if you are anxious or afraid, if you feel trapped in uncertainty or by addiction or sin, you don’t have to be. I invite you today to turn it all over to the One who holds our times in His powerful and unchanging hands.

He isn’t asking you to give up control but telling you He is the one who has control, not you.

He isn’t asking you to give up fun but ready to show you true joy and fun are not found in the sin which promises so much and yet produces only temporary pleasure at best, a permanent prison at worst.

He is here in this pandemic, waiting for You to accept the gift of salvation in the mighty Name of Jesus Christ who died to set you free from sin’s clutches.

In Him alone can you find freedom from fear, joy in His presence, pleasure forevermore.

You are invited, friend, but you have to decide: Cling to your illusions? Or trust in the One who made all things and in Whom all things hold together?

Wisdom Seeker: Day 3

Proverbs 3

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD, and turn away from evil.

Proverbs 3:5-7

Proverbs 3:5-6 are among the earliest verses I memorized as a new Christian. Perhaps because of their familiarity or perhaps because the Lord has been dealing with me specifically in the frailty of my trust, they definitely caught my eye in today’s reading.

But I wonder why I never tucked verse 7 into my memory along with it? It seems to be sort of a “how-to” guide for the other parts. How do I show my trust and acknowledge Him in all my ways? By taking note of my own lack of wisdom, by truly fearing Him, and by choosing to turn away from evil.

Which brings me to another potent passage:

My son, do not despise the LORD’s discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the LORD reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights.

Proverbs 3:11-12

Like I said, He’s been dealing with me in my little trust. I won’t lie – it’s been a full-on discipline session. For years, I’ve prayed the father’s prayer from Mark 9:24: “I do believe! Help my unbelief!”

And He has been helping, just as a loving Father would. Not by waving a magic wand and giving me a miraculous faith boost, but by pointing out the little momentary choices I make to give more credence to my anxiety or fear than to His faithfulness.

He’s been reminding me not only to present my requests to Him, but to do so with thanksgiving.

He’s been showing me that my anxiety for my children to know and love the Lord and walk uprightly before Him has done more to show them how little I trust God to bring about their salvation than it has to show them how much I love and trust the Lord myself.

Ironic, isn’t it? That the enemy can use a thing like a powerful desire for one’s offspring to have an eternal viewpoint and twist it until it’s a sinful mistrust of the God I so want them to trust.

So yeah. Today I will add verse 7 to my memory. And I will continue through the painful process of having my sinful choices revealed little by little without growing weary of my Father’s discipline, hopeful of the promise given in verse 8:

It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones.

Proverbs 3:8

Oh Father, thank You for being patient with such a slow student as myself. You are good and faithful, and You are so gentle in exposing my sin and guiding me to true repentance. Help me to continue in this new joy You have provided and my my children and husband come to bask in the joy of Your love as well! Amen!

So what about you? What verses did God speak to you through in today’s reading?