I’ve already covered two other prevailing myths (here and here) about homeschooling, and I plan this to be the final myth-busting post.. at least for now. After today, the focus will shift to sharing what I’ve learned – both triumphs and failures – in hopes that others can glean wisdom from both. But now, time to tackle the most pervasive myth I’ve encountered: the myth that homeschoolers lack proper socialization.

Even with the mainstreaming of homeschooling in the post-pandemic world, this strange stigma still persists. If this is a fear holding you back, allow me to speak rather passionately on the absurdity of this particular fiction.

1. Kids Don’t Attend School to Socialize

For those of us who grew up in public school, we already know how much trouble a kid could get into for talking in class. Teachers are there to teach, not to facilitate social hour, and I know from personal experience how frustrating it is as a teacher when your students ignore the material and focus on Jenny’s new boyfriend or Joey’s new dog. Class time is meant for learning, not socializing.

Of course there’s the 25-30 minute school lunch break, offering students enough time to line up, march through the cafeteria line, scarf down their partly-burnt, partly-frozen pizza, and hope to beat the rush to the bathroom before heading back to class. In this little window, kids do have a chance to talk while eating, but there certainly isn’t time to really flex those social muscles.

In fact, most of social time in a school setting (public or private) happens after school hours during extra-curricular activities. Activities, I may add, that are not exclusively available to public or private schools.

Then there’s the social time between classes in hallways, but as any public school veteran knows, these times are often dominated by cliques, bullying, or hiding from bullies.

To be blunt, public school does not guarantee a good handle on social situations. A broken family, autistic tendencies, tragedy, abuse – there are many factors that contribute to a child’s social well-being or lack thereof. While there are opportunities in school for children to learn group dynamics, these opportunities are not limited to schools.

A school is not the only place one may develop robust social skills. Even in the best cases, a school setting (again, public or private) still fails to provide a real-world social environment, bringing me nicely to the next point.

2. Schools Are a Social Anomaly

In the workplaces of the world, it is incredibly rare when an individual works exclusively with a group of peers whose birthdates are within approximately 13 months or so of his own. Unless you’re an entrepreneur working with a select group of pals developing a niche start-up, your co-workers span several decades and represent a variety of generations.

In fact, there are very few places where people socialize only with other people the same age as them, schools being one. The reason for this is the modern mass-education approach to schooling that is not dissimilar to an assembly line.

Kids of a certain age are developmentally able to handle certain information, thus we group them accordingly and stick the bits of info in at key points as they travel along the assembly line. This mass-production approach only serves to reinforce my first point. While it may be an OK way of passing on knowledge (as opposed to a good method), the type of socializing it provides for does not prepare children for real life situations.

Homeschooled children, on the other hand, frequently interact with people of all ages. Because they often go along on errands, they can learn to speak to retail clerks of all ages. With the popularity of homeschool coops and group events, homeschooled children have the privilege of mixing with a variety of ages and stages outside the classroom setting. And because homeschool parents are generally involved, there is much less room for bullying, predatory actions, and other unpleasant social behaviors.

Even when they were quite young, my children and their friends were comfortable talking to adults. We did our best to make them aware of the dangers of trusting unknown adults, of course, and I was always at hand for such encounters. But it was wonderful to watch them ask questions of the volunteers at the aquarium when we visited or get a little more in-depth look at blacksmithing or soap making from the booths at a local history fair because they did not hesitate to ask. The workers at such events often delight in sharing their knowledge, creating a beautiful win-win.

Granted, it is possible to homeschool and cloister one’s kids away from the world, but this is a choice; a choice you do not have to make if you choose to homeschool. There are plenty of opportunities for homeschool kids to develop social skills, as we’ll discuss next.

3. Homeschool Social Opportunities Abound

There came a point in my homeschool journey when I realized it was quite possible to allow my brood to spend the entire school day socializing. There were field trips and clubs; PE classes and nature walks; mock governments and good, old-fashioned playdates galore. I confess I began my homeschool journey concerned about them socially, but this concern was quickly dissipated.

In fact, after the first year, the last thing I worried about was socializing. They had plenty of that. Rather, I had to guard our class time like the crown jewels in order to keep social hours from trumping math and grammar.

If lack of socialization is a fear of yours, don’t let it stop you from homeschooling. Instead, set yourself to prioritize learning time so the social element can be a reward rather than a key focus. Socializing comes easier to kids than algebra, after all, so don’t sweat it.

Besides, there are some social elements you probably don’t want them to get drawn into.

4. What about Amoral Societies?

Socialization (noun): the process beginning during childhood by which individuals acquire the values, habits, and attitudes of a society (Source: merriam-webster.com).

Let’s not overlook the fact that not all socialization is positive. Kids want to conform to what is seen as “normal,” but for a true disciple of Christ, this is a problem.

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect (Romans 12:2).

From a cultural standpoint, “normal” is nebulous, and it does not always line up with biblical truth or the design of the Designer.

At a not-too-distant point in history, American “normal” lined up fairly well with biblical values – even if the underlying motivations were different. There was at least a clear distinction recognized between right and wrong as well as a social stigma for crossing that line.

You really don’t even have to fast forward to see the change, it happened so quickly. We’ve cast off many of our former restraints. Now we live in a cultural moment where individuals decide what is good or bad.

Live your truth has replaced the idea of an objective standard of good and evil, fragmenting the very ideas of right and wrong into infinitesimal and uncountable splinters that no longer have a cohesive social whole.

And that’s just one aspect. There are so many more. Drugs. Racial hatred. The alphabet soup agenda. Political propaganda spoon-fed to kids too young to understand politics. The bizarre ideas that what’s true for you might not be true for me or that two parties cannot disagree and still get along.

With all this chaos dancing in the social sphere, the question becomes, “Do I really want my child to fit in to this social realm?”

Of course, homeschooling will not shield your baby from all of it. The fact is, whether we homeschool or not, we will have to walk our children through reality in a way neither we nor previous generations had to.

However, in homeschooling, you do have the privilege of controlling the environment just a bit more. You stand at the gates and can allow the issues to trickle in one-by-one or in pairs, tackling each one as it arises or introducing it when the Lord leads you to.

It’s not a perfect system, but we live in an imperfect and fallen world. Thanks be to God, He has sent us a perfect Savior to rescue us from our own evil hearts and given us His Spirit to be our Guide! With His help, you can guide your young ones socially as well as academically.