parenting

Homeschool Advice Part 8 | Stay Engaged

~ Heather Davis ~ Leave a comment

Once again, this advice is for all parents, not just homeschoolers. Whether your kids are never out of your sight or you hardly see them; whether they receive their schooling directly from you, from a public school, private school, or a hybrid; literally no matter what is going on in your life with children, the advice is the same: stay engaged.

I know firsthand how tempting it can be to zone out during your homeschool day. Especially once your children reach the age where you become more educational facilitator than hands-on teacher, it’s easy to just let them go do their thing and assume all is well.

Resist this temptation.

Instead, stay engaged in the educational process. Initiate discussions. Ask questions. Have your learners repeat the information they are reading out loud. Not only will this simple practice keep you fully connected with their strengths and weaknesses, it will help them retain their lessons. It is wholly worth the extra few minutes.

Avoid Easy Buttons

Another bit of advice in this realm: don’t waste one of the greatest assets you have as a homeschooler – the ability to review mistakes made in homework. In my words: never waste a good mistake. All mistakes are fantastic opportunities to learn. So, don’t hit the easy button and just discard your kids’ work. Stay engaged in the entire process of learning, grading, and reviewing.

I recommend what I did – grade your children’s homework daily, then take time to go over not only what they missed but why they missed it. Sure, it takes extra effort on your part, but I promise the benefits for them vastly outweigh the inconvenience to you.

This process of reviewing missed problems or questions allows your children the enormous blessing of learning from their mistakes. Plus, it keeps you accountable for not letting things slide on the administrative end.

Win-win.

And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him (Colossians 3:17).

Another easy button to avoid is entertainment in the car. Those trips to and from activities or field trips provide excellent opportunities for conversation. You have a captive audience – as long as you don’t surrender your kids’ attention to technology.

By God’s grace, I avoided the use of technology in the car until my kids were nearly college-aged, and as a result, I was blessed with a multitude of incredible teachable moments and deep conversations. It always amazed me what would come up naturally in the course of passenger-seat conversations.

I still treasure our many (often hilarious) car-ride convos and have never once regretted leaving the distractions behind. To this day, my now college-aged kids prefer chatting in the car to zoning out on their devices when we are driving together.

Deadlines

One critical commitment you must make as the homeschool teacher is enforcing firm deadlines. When my kids were still babies, I began to research the pros and cons of homeschooling. I learned one of the most often reported complaints from colleges was the inability of homeschoolers to meet deadlines.

(And yes, I did in fact contact college admissions departments before my oldest turned four…)

As a Christian, this deadline failure ought to be an ouch moment.

Think of it this way – instead of demonstrating reliability, trustworthiness, and faithfulness, homeschoolers instead present a lax, disrespectful, and slovenly attitude toward other people’s time. An inability to meet deadlines and keep appointments displays a lack of integrity. It is both rude and irresponsible.

Not only would such a failing reflect poorly on your student, it dishonors our Lord. As Christians (homeschooling or no), we bear Christ’s name. Because of this, we are His ambassadors; thus, we should strive to do whatever it takes to make Him look good – reflecting His integrity and excellence to a watching world.

Even if it means doing hard, inconvenient tasks in our homeschool days.

Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God (2 Corinthians 5:20).

On a practical level, think of what failing to enforce deadlines teaches your student about the real world. When rent or the electric bill comes due, deadlines become quite important. If your student goes to college, they will need to submit their work on time. If they enter the work force, they will still be required to show up on time and meet goals or target dates for their work.

Slippery deadlines are a HUGE temptation as a homeschooler. Yet I urge you – do not be careless with this vital skill. It has far too many real-world ramifications.

When you’re tempted to “show grace” on a deadline, imagine a doctor rolling in a couple of hours after the scheduled surgery while you lay prepped on the table or an electrician putting off an appointment to fix a smoking outlet for a week or two. Then be firm and hold your students accountable.

Homeschooling as a Job

One major way to keep yourself engaged is to treat homeschooling (or parenting) like a “real” job – even though it is a job you pay to do rather than getting paid.

Think of it as your full-time career with the Lord as your boss – because, well, that’s exactly what is going on if you are called to homeschool.

Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ (Colossians 3:23-24).

With this in mind, imagine your response if you sent your kids to a public or private institution and discovered the teachers were busy scrolling Instagram, never bothered to look over homework, or just decided to take the day off and watch movies once or twice a week.

Most of us would be outraged to discover this was going on in school, yet we find it all too easy to excuse the exact same behaviors in ourselves! Not cool.

Your kids’ education and well-being is worth the effort it takes for you to do the job well – not perfectly, of course, but to the best of your ability.

Don’t underestimate the trickle-down effect of slack behavior. If you demonstrate negligence, your kids will pick up the cue that cutting corners or scrimping on quality is an acceptable way of living life. Instead, model hard work, integrity, and personal sacrifice for the sake of God’s ways so they learn to do the same.

Whoever is slack in his work is a brother to him who destroys (Proverbs 18:9).

Stay Engaged in Kingdom Work

Finally, stay engaged and look for gospel opportunities throughout your day. Homeschooling is not only about educating your child’s mind but also about discipling his heart. It is Kingdom work, and it is work with an eternal impact.

Keep the Word of God foremost in all you do. Look for chances to point out God’s work in your daily life, and draw attention to evidence of His mercy, grace, and goodness. Exalt Him wherever possible, even in the mundane details of your homeschool.

Final Thoughts

While it seems as if these years will drag on forever, they won’t. Your time with your children is precious and limited. Don’t squander it. All of the advice I’m writing out comes from a place of mingled regret where I failed and joy where I succeeded in my homeschool and parenting.

In homeschooling, I had no mentor, and I learned a great deal from failures. My heart’s desire is to give you a leg up so you can land on the other side with more successes and fewer failures than I. And above all, my hope is God can be glorified through sharing both my mistakes and my successes in homeschooling and beyond.

Homeschool Advice: Part 6 | Failure

~ Heather Davis ~ 2 Comments

In the early years of homeschooling, I began to re-evaluate the role of failure in life. I’d spent a good portion of my adult years berating myself for stupid mistakes, wasted time, and the like – to the ironic point of wasting more time stupidly dwelling on past mistakes. It changed when I noticed my ungodly habit rubbing off my kids and recognized the absolute desolation of refusing to learn from past mistakes.

For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death.
(2 Corinthians 7:10)

Instead, I began to tell my children what I had learned from mistakes. When they failed at something, I would repeat a phrase they likely grew sick of hearing over the years: never waste a good mistake.

I meant it. The usefulness of failure became clear to me during an afternoon chat with a neighbor on her front porch. She mentioned failing statistics several times in high school and talked about how much she hated standard deviations and probabilities. When she caught my blank stare, she asked, “Don’t you remember?”

I did not.

Ironically, I’d aced the class. Yet as the conversation progressed, it became clear she remembered far more statistics than I did despite her failures and my apparent success.

As I took this new thought to the Lord, He showed me where my personal areas of failure were now lessons more deeply etched than those areas I’d skimmed over by succeeding.

Because of this realization, I determined to not only allow my children to fail but to show them how to best learn from it. I didn’t withhold the large red X on incorrect problems, and I resisted the trend in my circles to give them straight As at the end of each grading period.

Instead, I graded appropriately. Good grades were earned, not granted. Whenever work was done incorrectly, I would bring the graded paper back to my little pupil and have them rework the problem. Together, we would think through what went wrong.

However, I did not change the grade. Instead, I provided a chance to learn from mistakes so the next grade would be better.

I wanted to challenge them, and I wanted them to fail so they would see failure is not an end. It is not a thing to be feared. Instead, failure is merely another step in the journey. In truth, failure can even be a more memorable step than instant success. Whatever we wrestle through, we tend to recall more vividly.

I’m convinced this is part of why God allows us to fail. By failing, we see our own fragility; our weakness and need for Him. Also by failing, we learn not to be afraid to try because we discover failure is not so bad, after all.

In fact, through failure, we learn humility and to better trust the God who never fails. 

"Remember this and stand firm, recall it to mind, you transgressors, 
remember the former things of old; 
for I am God, and there is no other; 
I am God, and there is none like me, 
declaring the end from the beginning and from ancient times things not yet done,
 saying, 'My counsel shall stand, and I will accomplish all my purpose,'
(Isaiah 46:8-10)

Homeschool Advice: Part 5 | Keep the End Game in Mind

~ Heather Davis ~ Leave a comment

Today’s topic is part parenting, part homeschooling, and applicable to both: keeping an eye on the end game. What I mean is this: as you parent and teach, remember the job is to prepare your children to grow into adults who are willing to follow God at all costs; to stand firm on truth even in world hostile to truth and to be able to function long after you have been called home.

Parenting for the End Game

While it may sound idyllic to raise children in an environment free from difficulty, failure, and suffering, such a situation would actually be detrimental to their development. Without difficulty, children do not learn to trust God in times of trial; they do not learn to be resourceful and resilient. Free from any suffering, children cannot develop character and hope. Without failure, they never learn to get back up and keep going.

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
(Romans 5:3-5)

Failure in particular is so critical to development, I am planning an entire post dedicated to it, so stay tuned.

Keep in mind that the job of a Christian parent is to raise children who become functional, godly adults. The end game is, put simply, to work yourself out of a job by preparing your kids to become men and women who no longer need you. One way to do this is to encourage them to try difficult things.

By “encouraging them to try difficult things,” I’m not saying you should hand your four-year-old a meat cleaver and have her start hacking a hunk of beef into stew meat. But you can be appropriate for each age and stage and still think forward. Provide opportunities for your kids to challenge themselves, to strive for independence, to grow.

Practically speaking, let your two-year-old attempt to dress herself even if she decides to wear purple polka-dot tights with a bright orange and yellow striped tank dress and fairy wings. It may not be what you would choose for a trip to the library, but at least she’s learning a necessary skill.

Encourage your five-year-old to pour his own breakfast cereal. Enlist all ages to help with household chores, even if they don’t do a stellar job. Praise the effort anyway.

Establish nutrition boundaries and have your six-and-ups pack their own lunches for school or homeschool tutorials or field trips. Have them fold and put away their own clothes as soon as dexterity allows (even if it isn’t perfect), and once they’re tall enough to reach the laundry controls, teach them to do their own laundry.

Start laying the ground work now so they will know how to function if you end up sick – or worse. Such skills will not harm them now and can only help them in the future even if they are somehow spared any future difficulties.

Teaching for the End Game

While all the above advice could arguably be incorporated into school as “life skills,” it is primarily geared toward parenting. For the homeschooler, teaching for the end game is just as important. This means teaching with an eye to preparing them for the next step God calls them to – whether it is college, career, marriage, or something else.

As you plan your homeschool, there are two facts you should keep in mind:

1. You Do Not Know God’s Individual Call for Each Child

For your part as a homeschooler, do your best to leave all available doors open. Teach with the goal of preparing them so college is an option for them, regardless of whether or not they take it. Not all children should go on to college, but you certainly don’t want to be guilty of closing that avenue for them before they even have a chance to decide.

      One practical way to do this is by establishing a homeschool environment with structure and routine. While your homeschool cannot – and should not – look and feel exactly like a public or private school, it is wise to set up structures easily adaptable into those environments, just in case. You literally never know what the future holds, so keep the possibility of future public- or private-school attendance in mind when setting goals and planning curriculum.

      Phrased simply, teach your kids as though you might not be there tomorrow, because you never really know.

      2. You do not know how long God will call you to homeschool.

      Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that” James 4:13–15 (ESV).

      We live in a broken world, and because of that, terrible tragedies happen. Twice during my kids’ lifetimes, I contracted meningitis. By the grace of God, neither case was bacterial. Though both cases involved hospitalization and left residual health issues in their wake, I was able to continue being both mom and teacher.

      However.

      Both times made me realize how fleeting life really is. Had one or the other been a bacterial infection, there’s a solid chance I would not be writing these words today. It’s a good reminder that none of us ever know the date our lives will be required of us.

      Morbidity aside, there are other reasons your homeschool may be more temporary than you planned. It’s wise not to assume you will always homeschool and so lay a suitable foundation for your children to build on regardless of what tomorrow holds.

      Always hold your plans loosely, submitting them to the Lord who is the Master Planner. His plans are far better than ours, and we must submit to them even if we don’t understand – even if it means He calls your kids to another schooling environment.

      So in all your teaching, planning, and preparation, do the best you can to make sure your kiddos know how to learn no matter what their circumstances. This way, whether the future holds public school, private school, college, or career, or whatever – they will be ready.

      Homeschool Advice Part 3 | Getting Started

      ~ Heather Davis ~ Leave a comment

      Besides three myth-busting posts (1, 2 & 3), I’ve also offered two other posts’ worth of advice just prior to this one. However, before we go much further, I want to offer encouragement to the possibly nervous prospective homeschooler. Let’s face it: taking your kids’ education into your own hands can be daunting. If you’re like me, you may tend to drown yourself in what-ifs or start worrying about your ability to teach Algebra 2 before your little one has even learned the alphabet. If this is you, allow me to offer a little advice for getting started.

      You Will Grow into It

      For starters, you are not required to homeschool all the grades right off the bat. Whether you start in Kindergarten or you’re pulling your middle schooler out of a toxic environment to homeschool, the good news is that you will start where you are and grow into it. Don’t worry about the next step, but keep your mind on what you need to do today. God will give you the light you need for where you are now. Learn to live and thrive right there, trusting Him for what’s next.

      Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.
      (Psalms 119:105)

      A friend of mine likes to comment on this verse by saying the promise is for a light for our path, not a floodlight to illuminate the whole journey. He’s not wrong. God will give us what we need when we need it, and sometimes just in the nick of time.

      Don’t forget, God’s call to homeschool may or may not be for the duration of your child’s education. I thought I would homeschool until college, but the Lord had other ideas. The year before my kids went to private school, I couldn’t have imagined us being able to afford it. Yet when God wanted them to go, He provided – and they went.

      With this in mind, I encourage you to seek the Lord each year to clarify what’s next. If He calls you to teach your own all the way through high school graduation, you can trust Him to provide the necessary tools or people in your life to fill the gaps in your own ability. With resources like homeschool co-ops, tutorials, personal tutors, Khan Academy, and more, you are definitely not alone in the journey.

      So my friend, don’t worry about how you’ll teach Finite Mathematics or Physics to your five-year-old. Focus on what you need to teach your children today, and trust the Lord to provide the light for the next step if and when you need it.

      You Are the Parent

      Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.
      (Proverbs 22:15)

      When it comes to the actual fact of doing school, it’s important to remember that your child is not in control. This may be an unpopular opinion, but I vehemently despise unschooling for the very reason that it is nothing more than lazy parenting wrapped in a cutesy label. There are foundational subjects that must be learned in order to become a functional member of any society.

      Indeed, subjects such as basic math, reading comprehension, and critical thinking are also vital for a person’s own protection against manipulation from a variety of levels. And it’s up to you, the parent, to enforce this learning.

      Is it difficult? Yes! Absolutely. Parenting is not always easy, and homeschooling is basically non-stop parenting with a side of reading, writing, and arithmetic.

      Your kids will push your buttons. They will wheedle and whine and try to distract you from getting to school. They will pretend to be sick; they will take forever to eat breakfast; they will drop their pencils 87 times and take a full minute to pick them up each and every time.

      You will have days where you feel outnumbered (because if you have more than one child, you are), and you’ll have days where you find yourself casually perusing the intake forms at overseas boarding schools.

      But if you are called, don’t give up. Pray without ceasing, take a deep breath, and remind yourself: you are the parent, and by God’s grace, you can do this. Then, soldier on.

      You Are the Teacher

      When your children complain that they hate math or despise reading, tell them it’s OK – it’s actually good for us to do things we don’t enjoy! I used to tell mine, “I totally understand. I hate cleaning toilets and I don’t really feel like cooking dinner tonight, but I’ll bet you’re glad I’ll do it anyway.”

      Don’t be deceived by the homeschooling catalogues that show smiling children, eyes filled with wonder and eagerly tackling their subjects while mom beams down with unruffled hair and pride. You may have a golden day or week, but much of homeschooling is far more like trying to get chores done well, only these chores make a difference whether your kids have a firm educational foundation or not.

      It’s your job as the teacher to facilitate learning in the best way you know how. Teach to the best of your ability. Ask God – daily – for wisdom on how to teach. He will give you ideas on how to get topics across to your kiddos if you just ask, so ask away. But most of all, keep your expectations of your homeschool, your children, and yourself in reasonable bounds.

      Part of being the teacher is setting and keeping priorities. And you know what? School is a priority. I’ve already written about keeping God’s Word and prayer first. Second should be the hard work of school, no matter what else.

      Here’s the thing about homeschooling: there are a bazillion distractions. There are a ton of fun things to do, places to go, field trips to take, social opportunities to indulge. All these are good, but they can quickly overtake time you need for the basics of grammar, reading, and math. It is vital to set school hours and keep them as stringently as possible, even if there are necessary interruptions like sickness and doctor’s visits.

      This not only establishes your homeschool as a priority, it teaches kids how to prioritize work over fun and prepares them to be self-disciplined. With the amount of work-from-home options available today, it may also give them skills needed for a future career.

      School Is a Priority for You, Too

      And mom or dad? This means for you, too. School hours are just that – for school. Resist the urge to space out and play games on your phone while your kids pretend to do work. Stay engaged and keep them on task. Imagine how outraged you’d be to find out your child’s school teacher was scrolling Facebook while the class did whatever they wanted, and hold yourself to the same standard.

      Remember, homeschooling is still a job even though it doesn’t bring an income. Keep in mind your “boss” is no less than the Almighty God, so treat His calling with the diligence you would a career (or more so) despite the lack of pay.

      After all, the privilege of participating in shaping the minds of the future, while it may not make you wealthy or well-known on earth, will honor God and become a part of your eternal inheritance – an inheritance that will neither fade nor fail.

      Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ (Colossians 3:23-24).

      Homeschool Myth #3: Socialization

      ~ Heather Davis ~ Leave a comment

      I’ve already covered two other prevailing myths (here and here) about homeschooling, and I plan this to be the final myth-busting post.. at least for now. After today, the focus will shift to sharing what I’ve learned – both triumphs and failures – in hopes that others can glean wisdom from both. But now, time to tackle the most pervasive myth I’ve encountered: the myth that homeschoolers lack proper socialization.

      Even with the mainstreaming of homeschooling in the post-pandemic world, this strange stigma still persists. If this is a fear holding you back, allow me to speak rather passionately on the absurdity of this particular fiction.

      1. Kids Don’t Attend School to Socialize

      For those of us who grew up in public school, we already know how much trouble a kid could get into for talking in class. Teachers are there to teach, not to facilitate social hour, and I know from personal experience how frustrating it is as a teacher when your students ignore the material and focus on Jenny’s new boyfriend or Joey’s new dog. Class time is meant for learning, not socializing.

      Of course there’s the 25-30 minute school lunch break, offering students enough time to line up, march through the cafeteria line, scarf down their partly-burnt, partly-frozen pizza, and hope to beat the rush to the bathroom before heading back to class. In this little window, kids do have a chance to talk while eating, but there certainly isn’t time to really flex those social muscles.

      In fact, most of social time in a school setting (public or private) happens after school hours during extra-curricular activities. Activities, I may add, that are not exclusively available to public or private schools.

      Then there’s the social time between classes in hallways, but as any public school veteran knows, these times are often dominated by cliques, bullying, or hiding from bullies.

      To be blunt, public school does not guarantee a good handle on social situations. A broken family, autistic tendencies, tragedy, abuse – there are many factors that contribute to a child’s social well-being or lack thereof. While there are opportunities in school for children to learn group dynamics, these opportunities are not limited to schools.

      A school is not the only place one may develop robust social skills. Even in the best cases, a school setting (again, public or private) still fails to provide a real-world social environment, bringing me nicely to the next point.

      2. Schools Are a Social Anomaly

      In the workplaces of the world, it is incredibly rare when an individual works exclusively with a group of peers whose birthdates are within approximately 13 months or so of his own. Unless you’re an entrepreneur working with a select group of pals developing a niche start-up, your co-workers span several decades and represent a variety of generations.

      In fact, there are very few places where people socialize only with other people the same age as them, schools being one. The reason for this is the modern mass-education approach to schooling that is not dissimilar to an assembly line.

      Kids of a certain age are developmentally able to handle certain information, thus we group them accordingly and stick the bits of info in at key points as they travel along the assembly line. This mass-production approach only serves to reinforce my first point. While it may be an OK way of passing on knowledge (as opposed to a good method), the type of socializing it provides for does not prepare children for real life situations.

      Homeschooled children, on the other hand, frequently interact with people of all ages. Because they often go along on errands, they can learn to speak to retail clerks of all ages. With the popularity of homeschool coops and group events, homeschooled children have the privilege of mixing with a variety of ages and stages outside the classroom setting. And because homeschool parents are generally involved, there is much less room for bullying, predatory actions, and other unpleasant social behaviors.

      Even when they were quite young, my children and their friends were comfortable talking to adults. We did our best to make them aware of the dangers of trusting unknown adults, of course, and I was always at hand for such encounters. But it was wonderful to watch them ask questions of the volunteers at the aquarium when we visited or get a little more in-depth look at blacksmithing or soap making from the booths at a local history fair because they did not hesitate to ask. The workers at such events often delight in sharing their knowledge, creating a beautiful win-win.

      Granted, it is possible to homeschool and cloister one’s kids away from the world, but this is a choice; a choice you do not have to make if you choose to homeschool. There are plenty of opportunities for homeschool kids to develop social skills, as we’ll discuss next.

      3. Homeschool Social Opportunities Abound

      There came a point in my homeschool journey when I realized it was quite possible to allow my brood to spend the entire school day socializing. There were field trips and clubs; PE classes and nature walks; mock governments and good, old-fashioned playdates galore. I confess I began my homeschool journey concerned about them socially, but this concern was quickly dissipated.

      In fact, after the first year, the last thing I worried about was socializing. They had plenty of that. Rather, I had to guard our class time like the crown jewels in order to keep social hours from trumping math and grammar.

      If lack of socialization is a fear of yours, don’t let it stop you from homeschooling. Instead, set yourself to prioritize learning time so the social element can be a reward rather than a key focus. Socializing comes easier to kids than algebra, after all, so don’t sweat it.

      Besides, there are some social elements you probably don’t want them to get drawn into.

      4. What about Amoral Societies?

      Socialization (noun): the process beginning during childhood by which individuals acquire the values, habits, and attitudes of a society (Source: merriam-webster.com).

      Let’s not overlook the fact that not all socialization is positive. Kids want to conform to what is seen as “normal,” but for a true disciple of Christ, this is a problem.

      Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect (Romans 12:2).

      From a cultural standpoint, “normal” is nebulous, and it does not always line up with biblical truth or the design of the Designer.

      At a not-too-distant point in history, American “normal” lined up fairly well with biblical values – even if the underlying motivations were different. There was at least a clear distinction recognized between right and wrong as well as a social stigma for crossing that line.

      You really don’t even have to fast forward to see the change, it happened so quickly. We’ve cast off many of our former restraints. Now we live in a cultural moment where individuals decide what is good or bad.

      Live your truth has replaced the idea of an objective standard of good and evil, fragmenting the very ideas of right and wrong into infinitesimal and uncountable splinters that no longer have a cohesive social whole.

      And that’s just one aspect. There are so many more. Drugs. Racial hatred. The alphabet soup agenda. Political propaganda spoon-fed to kids too young to understand politics. The bizarre ideas that what’s true for you might not be true for me or that two parties cannot disagree and still get along.

      With all this chaos dancing in the social sphere, the question becomes, “Do I really want my child to fit in to this social realm?”

      Of course, homeschooling will not shield your baby from all of it. The fact is, whether we homeschool or not, we will have to walk our children through reality in a way neither we nor previous generations had to.

      However, in homeschooling, you do have the privilege of controlling the environment just a bit more. You stand at the gates and can allow the issues to trickle in one-by-one or in pairs, tackling each one as it arises or introducing it when the Lord leads you to.

      It’s not a perfect system, but we live in an imperfect and fallen world. Thanks be to God, He has sent us a perfect Savior to rescue us from our own evil hearts and given us His Spirit to be our Guide! With His help, you can guide your young ones socially as well as academically.

      Homeschool Myth #2: You Need a Degree to Homeschool

      ~ Heather Davis ~ 4 Comments

      Oh how I love your law! It is my meditation all the day. Your commandment makes me wiser than my enemies, for it is ever with me. I have more understanding than all my teachers, for your testimonies are my meditation
      (Psalms 119:97-99).

      Though homeschooling is even more mainstream than it was in my time, the decision to homeschool will always bring with it a barrage of well-meaning concern from others. Often, many of these concerns stem from homeschooling myths. In a previous post, we discussed the myth that homeschool parents must possess a bottomless well of patience. Today I want to address another myth you are likely to encounter, especially if – like me – you never obtained a college degree.

      In fact, if you lack a college degree, be prepared to face withering criticism from others who believe only a degreed teacher is adequate for the task of teaching children. Or your own insecurity over the lack may rise up to confront you (it did me!). Face it, but don’t let it get to you.

      Even if you do have a degree, doubts may still linger. Especially if your degree isn’t related to teaching, maybe it’s in mechanical engineering or marketing, you may fear or be told those skills are not transferable to homeschooling. This post is for you, too.

      In answer to all of the above, I offer that no school or textbook training can prepare a person for the actual work of teaching your own children. Even for the trained teacher, classroom teaching is quite a different animal than homeschooling. If you’ve been called by God to homeschool, I urge not to allow naysayers or self-doubt cause you grief.

      A call to homeschool is not given by a college nor by well-meaning critics; it is given by God. He is the One to please with your efforts, He is the only One who can prepare you to do the work He calls you to, and He alone is the appropriate Judge for the outcome.

      With that in mind, let’s peek into this myth.

      Myth: Only Degreed Teachers Can Teach Properly

      Respectfully, no. Just no – although I suppose I ought to elaborate.

      While i admit it may be useful in the high school years to have specialized training – especially for higher-level mathematics or sciences – the vast majority of subjects in elementary through high school learning are easily accessible to the average human being. And as for elementary school – well, it is elementary; by definition “straightforward and uncomplicated.”

      As for those higher subjects, you have picked a wonderful time to homeschool. In today’s world, there is a veritable smorgasbord of resources both for teaching and learning everything from basic math to ancient Hebrew. Historically speaking, this is a beautiful time to homeschool. Even if you are utterly incapable of teaching the high-level material, you can find a tutor, an online class, or even a dual-enrollment college course to fill the gap. Don’t let fear of high school calculus discourage you!

      But for those who insist a person must have the training afforded by a degree in order to teach, I present Exhibit A.

      Exhibit A: The Case of the Mistaken Teacher

      When I was just beginning my homeschool journey, a public school teacher in my circle vocalized strong doubt in my ability to teach my kiddos elementary math and grammar without a degree. In the same afternoon, this person shared a tale when a student corrected a geography lesson – a lesson the person had been teaching (incorrectly) for several years. The pre-pubescent student was right, and the college-educated teacher erred.

      My point? Acquiring a degree does not confer infallibility. Nor does the time, money, and effort spent in obtaining a degree magically bestow intelligence or aptitude upon the recipient.

      There are tons of brilliant humans with the proper papers in frames on their wall and a string of letters after their signature. However, I submit to you that there are also incredibly… disappointing… humans with precisely the same trappings.

      I know both homeschoolers and classroom teachers with and without degrees who are absolutely amazing teachers. I also know people in both positions who, quite frankly, stink at their jobs. Thus my argument is neither for or against college degrees. It is merely against the stipulation that a degree is required for a successful homeschool.

      Degrees Are Not Guarantees

      So, is a degree helpful in homeschooling? The best I have is – maybe.

      Assuming you’ve not yet paid off your student debt, a degree may even present an obstacle to homeschooling. Homeschooling is a full-time job where you purchase curriculum rather than earn salary so you won’t recoup the cost of a degree, if that’s what you mean.

      College training may enable you to tackle certain high school subjects with greater confidence. Then again, by the time your children arrive at that stage of learning, you may have forgotten it anyway. Or your knowledge could be out of date.

      Or you may be too busy trying to pay off your student debt to really focus on teaching the high-level material. With this in mind, I submit Exhibit B.

      Exhibit B: The Case of the Unlikely & Untrained Teacher

      Due to what amounts to a mental health crisis in my late teens and early twenties, I never completed my degree. I had a 4.0 for my one shining semester of college, yet I allowed choking despair and financial fear to dictate my decisions and did not return.

      Fast forward to the moment the Lord called me to homeschool. I was fabulously impatient, had an anger problem, and suffered from debilitating chronic migraines (which eventually became intractable) beginning in my son’s kindergarten year and continuing through most of my homeschool days.

      Not exactly a recipe for success.

      Nevertheless despite my inadequacies, God did call me and I did obey, even managing to educate my three children quite well (though not I but Christ in me).

      Did I do it perfectly? Unequivocally no. I made gobs of mistakes, and I plan to share many of them with you on this blog so you can learn from my failures. However, by God’s grace I did many things right as well – often quite by accident. These I will also share in future posts.

      Despite my glaring lack, all three of my kids had no trouble assimilating into a private high school when my husband decided to make that transition in their high school years, nor was college a problem.*

      Yes, it’s true they acquired higher-level learning before college from the private school, but the foundation was well-laid – NOT by me but by the incredible mercy of a God whose power was made perfect in my weakness (and in my degree-lessness). This is no boast of my own efforts but presented as proof of what the God who called me was able to do despite my lack of training or credentials.

      The Best Way to Teach Properly

      In short, whether you have a degree or not, you will make mistakes.

      A degree does not serve as a barrier against human fallibility. Trained and experienced teachers make mistakes, and so will you. Don’t use this as a copout for a lack of diligence, but don’t let it become an obstacle you fear, either. Instead, learn to embrace mistakes and learn from them. As I always told my kids: never waste a good mistake.

      So if you don’t need a degree to homeschool, what do you need?

      I posit the greatest need is a vibrant, healthy, and active relationship with the living God whose power is perfected in our weakness – along with humility. You won’t have all the answers, but you will have the wonderful opportunity to show your kids how to do the leg work to find the answers – a far more rewarding process in the long run.

      You also have the privilege of encouraging what a degree cannot impart either to you or your kiddos: a love for learning (and hey – model it if you really want to get the message across). Daily invite God in to find and fill the gaps. If He has called you, He will guide you through it as well – albeit often with just enough light to see the next step.

      But don’t think your obedience will guarantee you’ll churn out the next Einstein or Charles Spurgeon. God is faithful, but His purposes for your children may be less flashy than your dreams for them. I learned this the painful way.

      What I want you to take away is that you can trust the God who called you to homeschool to complete His purposes through your efforts, no matter how many or few credentials you have.

      *DISCLAIMER: This is not entirely true. One child struggled in college due in part to the pandemic but more to acquiring a bad habit of sleeping through school and making As in high school – a fact I was highly displeased with when I discovered it during his senior year. Until then, I’d wrongly believed I was paying for him to learn accountability, among other things! In this particular case, I feel strongly said child would have been better served by homeschooling through high school, as I would have dealt out consequences for sleeping in class and forced better study skills in the process. But that’s neither here nor there.

      Tanstaafl and Education: A Homeschool Resource

      ~ Heather Davis ~ 4 Comments

      “Oh, ‘tanstaafl.’ Means ~’There ain’t no such thing as a free lunch.’ And isn’t,” I added, pointing to a FREE LUNCH sign across room, “or these drinks would cost half as much. Was reminding her that anything free costs twice as much in long run or turns out worthless.”

      “An interesting philosophy.”

      “Not philosophy, fact. One way or other, what you get, you pay for.”

      -excerpt from The Moon Is a Harsh Mistress by Robert A. Heinlein

      Free Public Education

      My nation has a free public education system. And by free, I mean paid for by tax dollars, which means it is not technically free. It also means whatever agency or group handles the funneling of said tax dollars into our education system very likely has more clout than the taxpayers when it comes to policy-making, curriculum choosing, and other ways those hard-taxed dollars are used.

      And this is a problem inasmuch as too few of our officials know what a child is, much less what is good for one. Most of their time seems to be spent in an abstract political universe with only brief forays into reality.

      And thus, the sorry phrase, good enough for government work now applies to the shaping and curation of many young minds across the USA. The word tanstaafl pops into my mind most often alongside thoughts of the American free public education.

      A Brief History of Public Education in America

      It wasn’t always this way. In the early agrarian years of this nation, children most often learned incredible amounts of information just by living and working alongside their parents. Survival was the reward, and I’d argue it was a better one than a paper degree. But that’s another topic.

      In the earliest days, wealthy families often had tutors while poorer families taught their own kids what they needed to survive and run the family business or farm. The farther from a town or village one’s family lived, the less likely one was to have access to formal education of any sort.

      Formal education was pretty haphazard, seasonal, and utterly dependent on a wide variety of factors foreign to the modern lifestyle. Basic math and reading were often taught at home through the normal course of life – items bought or sold in town, the reading of the Scriptures, and keeping up letter correspondence with family and friends far away.

      By the 18th century, towns and villages might have a small common school – often doubling as the church meeting place on Sunday and as often staffed by either a preacher (if the town was lucky enough to have one in residence), itinerant teachers, or just someone who was willing, whether or not he or she were trained. These early schools were often tuition-based or funded by the generosity of the townspeople, though not always in dollars and cents. A parent might provide housing for the teacher, and bartering for goods & services flourished in those days.

      It wasn’t until the 1830s that a more systematic public education system began to form. Even then, it barely resembled our modern schools. There were no minimum ages, children came if and when they could, and training in morality was seen as an imperative to producing good citizens along with an almost-secondary focus on the “Three R’s” of reading, writing, and ‘rithmatic.

      Factory Model Learning

      By and large, our current educational model was shaped by the assembly-line mentality of the industrial revolution. Today, its shape is maintained more by politics than by professors. Ask any public-school teacher today, and he or she will tell you how much time is spent collecting data points on students, preparing for standardized tests, trying to enforce discipline without tools, tweaking lesson plans for IEPs, and so on.

      The complaint I hear most from my teacher friends is that they don’t get to actually teach. They’re too busy dealing with the latest policies and trying to find the kids lost in the cracks of the ever-fluctuating standards.

      Tanstaafl. You get what you pay for, and I can tell you first-hand that you are NOT paying to adequately compensate the teachers who now have more hoops to jump through than a circus lion. The public school system of today is profoundly broken, and it is not the fault of the teachers. Most of them are like the children of Israel in Egypt, being told to churn out the same number of bricks and supply their own materials to make them with – or else.

      So the taskmasters and the foremen of the people went out and said to the people, “Thus says Pharaoh, ‘I will not give you straw. Go and get your straw yourselves wherever you can find it, but your work will not be reduced in the least.’ ”

      Exodus 5:10-11

      Now What?

      In the post-COVID19 world, more and more people are choosing to homeschool. Private school is simply not always affordable. And if I may be frank? Neither is public school. There are always extras – sports fees, supply fees, keeping-up-with-the-joneses fees. Not to mention the non-financial costs of policies driven more by adult political games than by concern for the wellbeing of human children.

      When the world closed in 2020, more and more parents saw that their kids learned as much or more at home than they did spending several hours a day in a classroom full of cell phones and weary teachers staggering under the weight of the “thou shalt” agendas of the modern educational system.

      This is not the world I began homeschooling in, but it is the one we live in today. And please hear me when I say: I don’t believe everyone is called to homeschool, nor do I believe everyone should. But if you find yourself thinking about homeschooling, please allow me the privilege of sharing the journey with you. I am planning on several posts to share what I learned in my years of homeschooling.

      Stay Tuned

      Stay tuned, and you’ll get the benefit of hearing what I did wrong and what I learned through those mistakes. You’ll also get to see where God led me to do something right quite despite myself. I hope you’ll be encouraged, challenged, and maybe even entertained. But most of all, I hope to honor God by taking what He has given me and pouring it into the generations coming up next.

      How many posts will I write? Well, that depends. It depends on varying time demands, health considerations, family financial needs, and things like that; but mostly it depends on whether or not my scribblings prove helpful to others. Because what I learn, experience, feel, or endure was never meant for me alone. It is meant to be shared so that you may be strengthened and God glorified.

      So I invite you to “listen in” as I recap this section of the race I’ve run, and I sincerely hope it helps!

      For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort.

      2 Corinthians 1:5-7
      References

      /https://www.americanboard.org/blog/11-facts-about-the-history-of-education-in-america

      /https://edtechbooks.org/effective_teaching_in_the_secondary_classroom/a_short_history_of_education_in_the_united_states

      /https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDZFcDGpL4U

      /https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/ED606970.pdf

      And I Helped

      ~ Heather Davis ~ 23 Comments

      And behold, the word of the LORD came to him: “This man shall not be your heir; your very own son shall be your heir.”
      (Genesis 15:4)

      And Sarai said to Abram, “Behold now, the LORD has prevented me from bearing children. Go in to my servant; it may be that I shall obtain children by her.” And Abram listened to the voice of Sarai.
      (Genesis 16:2)

      When my first child was born, one of my sisters had two young daughters. The first time I visited my old hometown with the baby, my nieces were fascinated by the tiny little boy and flocked around me. While visiting, I recall having to change him on a bed. My sister told her girls as they catapulted with the enthusiasm of the young onto the bed, “You can watch Aunt Heather change him, but DON’T HELP.”

      A couple of years and two babies later, I understood the wisdom in these words.

      pict0460
      My older two helping console the baby

      It seems a child’s enthusiastic help sometimes falls a little short of the adult standard.

      Take Sarai (later known as Sarah). The Scriptures do not say specifically, but I have a strong suspicion the imbroglio involving her servant, Hagar, began as an attempt to help the Almighty fulfill His promise to her husband.

      Certainly by now, her beloved Abram (later known as Abraham) had shared with her the Divine Promise of descendants as numerous as the dust.  The Lord had even reiterated the promise that a direct descendant of Abram/Abraham would be his heir.

      I wouldn’t be at all surprised if the anticipated event added spice to their dinner conversation for many weeks to come. Yet when months, then years, passed and there was no child, it seems they became discouraged.

      I can imagine their suppers gradually becoming less and less about dreaming of their son and more and more about fueling up for the dreary days ahead. And despite the barbed nature of her own words (see verse 16:2 above), I rather doubt Sarai thrust Hagar into the mix as an act of revenge.

      Surely, she must have rationalized the choice. After all, she wasn’t getting any younger. It seemed pretty clear by now that God must have meant to use some other mode or method than her to fulfill His word. And besides, other people did it this way.

      But despite what we ought to assume were the best of intentions (after all, isn’t that what we want others to assume about us?), Hagar’s pregnancy did not initiate an era of familial warmth and unity.

      And Sarai said to Abram, “May the wrong done to me be on you! I gave my servant to your embrace, and when she saw that she had conceived, she looked on me with contempt. May the LORD judge between you and me!” But Abram said to Sarai, “Behold, your servant is in your power; do to her as you please.” Then Sarai dealt harshly with her, and she fled from her.
      (Genesis 16:5-6)

      Oy. Not a pretty picture.

      (If you want to find out how the story turns out, go ahead and read the rest of Genesis 16. Heck, while you’re at it, read the rest of the Bible. There are plenty of little lessons like this one tucked in those pages.)

      You see, this story came to me recently in a very personal way. Around the same time God was chopping up a root of bitterness to bake into the humble pie He was preparing for me, He also pointed out a little corner of misplaced childish enthusiasm.

      While I can’t share details, suffice to say there was an area of my life where I, with absolute sincerity, was driving forward full-tilt, eager provide an opportunity for the Holy Spirit to work.

      I thought I was tilling the soil but in actuality think I was just making scratches in the dust. Over time my endeavors consumed increasing amounts of energy for decreasing amounts of fruit.

      And when I’d finally had enough, I cried out to my Father, begging Him to tell me what I was doing wrong. And He did.

      First, He reminded me of Sarai’s story. Persistently.

      And then, of course, He reminded me that if I want to see His power at work, the best thing I can do is wait on Him.

      Oh yes, and DON’T HELP.

      Ariabooks copy

      Reflections on the Heart of God

      ~ Heather Davis ~ 10 Comments

      I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.
      (3 John 1:4)

      A couple of weeks ago, I shared some of my heartache as I cope with a child who appears to be walking away from the Lord. But the story doesn’t end there. With the Lord, it never will which is just one of the many perks associated with belonging to an infinite yet personal God.

      There is a strange and wonderful beauty associated with being a parent. I am convinced few other experiences rival it in bringing a peculiar depth and breadth of understanding and insight into my Father’s breathtaking love.

      For you see, I do not only have a single child. I have three – or rather, I have at least three if you count several non-biological but equally beloved children I treasure and adore.  But for today, I will stick with the three I birthed and raised as a full-time mom until a year ago.

      Lest you think my brain is only occupied with gloomy “what-ifs,” I thought it prudent to share some of the more exciting goings-on at this season of my life. My son may concern me by seeming apathetic to God, but my girls are really just starting to bloom in their faith.

      It is astonishing, really. The older of the sisters just got back from a month of volunteer work, home only for part of each weekend. She served kids in the kitchen and cleaned up after them for two of those weeks, and for the other two she was a day camp counselor and helped in kitchen during her time off.  What’s more, she LOVED the whole experience and thoroughly enjoyed spending time in the Word and prayer with other young ladies.

      The youngest has also been growing in Truth.  She, too, has been enjoying her time in the Word. During the spring, she saw a notification in a church newsletter about a summer mission trip to New Orleans. Turning to me with eyes shining with a delight every parent loves to see, she said in an awed tone that she could afford to pay for it and had been praying for just such a chance.

      And there you have it. Between the somewhat melancholy musings of one morning and the singular satisfaction behind today’s meditations lies the whole spectrum of parental sentiment.

      As my emotions run from a knife-edge of longing through to a joy so keen the tears well up as if the two were one emotion, I begin to see my God with a whole new level of wonder. He, too, pines for the one errant sheep even as He rejoices over the 99 who have never been lost or have strayed from safety and returned.

      And if my emotional spectrum is broad, His is infinitely wider and deeper.

      There must be no end to His grief for those who reject Him, for then He must watch in agony as they march jauntily to eternal destruction. Indeed, He alone understands the totality of their doom and thus understands the deepest reaches of grief.

      But His joy and rejoicing are endless for those who choose to trust Him; whose trust and worship are not diminished by persecution or hardship. For these will come through difficult seasons victorious, still proclaiming the good news of the Son of God who conquered death to set us free from captivity so sin.

      These are the ones who are more than conquerors through Christ – conquering not armies but the seething evil of our own depravity. These are not left to walk the dark valley alone but have the Lord of Hosts to walk with them and so can find joy in the midst of suffering.

      And these – like me – can find a shared grief for a straggling sheep and yet have peace that the Most High will bring His plans to success in the end.

      …For not all have faith. But the Lord is faithful. He will establish you and guard you against the evil one. And we have confidence in the Lord about you, that you are doing and will do the things that we command. May the Lord direct your hearts to the love of God and to the steadfastness of Christ.

      (2 Thessalonians 3:2b-5)

      Oh what a wonder! Oh what a God we serve! I thank You, my King, that You have lit the fire of Your Spirit in the hearts of my girls and I pray my son, too, will be caught up in You until we are all consumed by zeal for Your Kingdom. Make my heart and the hearts of my family faithful to You, amen.  

      Blueberry Musings

      ~ Heather Davis ~ 20 Comments

      I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth.
      (1 Corinthians 3:6-7)

      In the not-quite-cool of a July morning in Tennessee, I picked blueberries as I talked with my Father. One thing at the forefront of my mind was my teenage son’s seeming indifference to all things having to do with God and His church. As I spoke to my Lord about my concerns, the old, familiar mom-guilt rose to the surface

      The thing is, I homeschooled my kids for years. My son, the oldest and now a rising senior, was taught at home from Kindergarten through his freshman year of high school. Currently, he attends a private Christian school, but outside of school he does not seem (to me) to have interest in the things of God.

      Oh, he aces his Bible class. They grew up in the Word at least. However, this last year or two have made me question how well I modeled a life of faith.

      In my fervency to lead my kids to God, did I actually push them away? Was I too stringent? Too critical? Too lenient? Too lax? Did my walk not match my talk? Or was it a walk that my son found uninteresting because I shared too little of my joy or my delight in God? Was I too stern-faced and solemn? Have I given writing too much emphasis? Too little?

      The mom-guilt train chugs on and on. Its refrain is unchanging: I have failed. My efforts are not good enough.

      And it was into these failures the Spirit of my God spoke in wordless truth. If I could put words to the experience, it would go something like this: Whether you failed or not is irrelevant. How does it change the present? You cannot change the past and bemoaning it is not the same thing as learning from it. However, one thing is true: your efforts aren’t good enough. But I AM. Do you trust Me?

      There in the blueberry bushes with one elbow covered in spider webs and a few purple stains on my hand, my King reminded me of something. He alone has the power and ability to draw my son – or anyone else – to Himself.

      This doesn’t free me from obedience or due diligence, but it is nonetheless freeing. Even if I were to perform flawlessly, my efforts would be inadequate. I cannot save a single soul.

      But my God can.

      He is both the Author of faith and its Perfecter. The question is not whether I was successful in leading my kids to Christ. The question is: Am I successful in trusting God to bring His own work to completion. In short, do I trust Him – even if it means one or more of my kids has to walk through the dark valley for a time? Does my love for Him compel me to trust in His love for my children?

      And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.
      (Romans 8:28)

      On my way back to the house with a container full of blueberries, I repented of my unbelief and chose trust. Specifically, I vocalized my trust to my Lord that His Spirit will work and produce fruit in my son and all my kids.

      I may have planted a few seeds of devotion, I may have watered them, but it will be God who makes the fruit of His Spirit grow.  Until then, I will remain faithful in prayer, eagerly anticipating the work God will do in and through my family.  I will trust God to work out even our errors for our eternal good.

      Whatever happens in these next weeks, months, years, or even decades, I know my God will bring about His purposes.

      And He will do it in His time, not mine.

      Be patient, therefore, brothers, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient about it, until it receives the early and the late rains. You also, be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand.
      (James 5:7-8)