humility

Homeschool Advice Part 7 | Read Aloud and Read a Lot

~ Heather Davis ~ 4 Comments

“You don’t have to burn books to destroy a culture. Just get people to stop reading them.” – Ray Bradbury

If you do nothing else in your homeschool, teach your children to read. Basic math is also a must, and thinking critically about what they read is equal in importance, but reading itself is an incredible skill that cannot be overstated. Since reading the Bible should be the foundation and center of all we do, it goes without saying that a person cannot understand the Scriptures unless he or she knows how to read. So, read. And read aloud. Then read some more.

Read Aloud To Them

Long before your children are capable of tackling texts themselves, I highly recommend reading to them. There is an established correlation between parents who read aloud to their very young children and the child’s later reading comprehension. Children who experience the benefits of being read aloud to often go on to not only have greater literacy and comprehension rates, but tend to read for enjoyment more often as well.

But don’t stop too soon. So many parents cease reading aloud to their kids the moment the young reader has a basic grasp of phonics and can make their way through a beginner chapter book.

This is a grave mistake. Reading is actually difficult work involving decoding signs and symbols into meaning. Often, a child can decode the words into sensible sentences long before they are capable of actually processing the greater meaning of the whole.

But when a parent reads aloud to children, their brains are free to assimilate, process, and critically think about the concepts they are hearing. They also learn the rhythms of language, gain exposure to complex syntax and use of imagery, and hear how others distill thoughts, feelings, and observations into words.

So don’t stop reading to your children the moment they crack the code for the first time. By all means, allow them the privilege and excitement of reading for themselves. Yet supplement their early reading with what I always called read-alouds; books you share as a family, read aloud by the parent and enjoyed by all.

Also – don’t stop this practice in elementary school. Read aloud to your children as long as you can. You may be surprised how long they will enjoy it.

In actual practice, I read aloud to my children until they started attending private school (in 10th and 8th grades respectively). Our read-aloud time was one thing I missed the most when homeschooling ended, and the kids expressed fondness for those times as well.

Not only did reading aloud serve as a bonding time for us as a family, it also helped each of them develop literacy, exposure to new ideas, and develop a love for reading (which, of course, varies from the middle child who seeks out and reads obscure Shakespeare plays for fun to the oldest who enjoys more modern books).

Have Them Read Aloud to You

Besides the books you read to them, be sure you insist on each child reading aloud to you for a few minutes every day. Don’t just assume they are grasping their reading lessons; be certain of it. And again, don’t stop this practice in elementary school but continue it for the duration of your homeschool.

There are several ways to do this. One simple way is to have them read a page or two of their reading/ literature, history, or science textbooks. Another great practice is to have each child take turns reading from the Bible each morning.

By hearing your children read out loud, you can be aware of areas they are misinterpreting words, skipping over difficult words or passages, or catch a myriad of problems in their infancy. Children who read aloud and have their errors corrected on the spot, who are encouraged to sound out big words, develop greater confidence and competency. It’s worth the extra effort.

Read Good Books

No matter what age or stage your children are at, they can still benefit from being read to. My number one advice for choosing a book to read aloud is to choose good, quality books with stories that stand the test of time. And choose books that are one or two levels above your child’s own reading ability.

Practically speaking, in the very early years (preschool – third grade), you have a plethora of children’s chapter books to choose from. The Moffats and other books by Eleanor Estes are fabulous, as are books like Charlotte’s Web by E. B. White, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Ronald Dahl, and any number of children’s classics.

Do a Google search to find recommended reading lists for each grade, then choose one or more a grade or two ahead of your oldest student. In the elementary years, even young children can enjoy hearing books they may not yet be able to decode for themselves.

Note that in the elementary years, I personally recommend books that support Christian values. What you read to them will not only shape their minds but will contribute to shaping their worldviews. They are too young for abstract thinking, so be selective in your choices.

In late middle school, expand your read-aloud list to heftier material like The Screwtape Letters or Mere Christianity (7th-8th grades) by C. S. Lewis or Orthodoxy by G. K. Chesterton. These books may be beyond your child’s grasp, but reading them aloud and discussing them has a tremendous benefit. In books such as these, they hear the voices of Christian thinkers as well as men from another age and culture – all of which can serve your children well as their minds develop.

There is also great benefit to reading more controversial books aloud to middle school children. Don’t be afraid of what’s out there, but dive in, read it together, and examine it critically. Discuss what you read: Does the author champion a view that honors God? What parts of the book line up with Scriptural principles? Where does the book differ from God’s way? What is the main takeaway from this book? Are the themes, lifestyles, attitudes or actions those we should emulate or avoid? Why?

Don’t throw your kiddos to the wolves and hope they’ll figure it out for themselves. Jump in and wrestle it out with them.

Read Old Books

“Somebody who only reads newspapers and at best books of contemporary authors looks to me like an extremely near-sighted person who scorns eyeglasses. He is completely dependent on the prejudices and fashions of his times, since he never gets to see or hear anything else.” -Albert Einstein

One great service you can do for your children is to read older books. Take them back to a time when life was lived differently. Let them hear the flow of language, linger in the length of a long and luxurious sentence, and hear the tones, fashions, and moods of other periods in time.

By reading older books – especially when you spend time discussing what has been read – you help children see how cultural fads come and go. They can see how social norms may change but human nature never does. They are given a glimpse into the past and can learn that our modern ways of living and relating are not necessarily right just because they are current.

In short, they can learn what a small space each of us occupies, what truths endure and stand the test of time, and how true it is that “there is nothing new under the sun” (Ecclesiastes 1:9). A little humility goes a long way in learning how to think well, and books can be a great tool in learning it.

“Books serve to show a man that those original thoughts of his aren’t very new after all.” – Abraham Lincoln

Homeschool Advice: Part 6 | Failure

~ Heather Davis ~ 2 Comments

In the early years of homeschooling, I began to re-evaluate the role of failure in life. I’d spent a good portion of my adult years berating myself for stupid mistakes, wasted time, and the like – to the ironic point of wasting more time stupidly dwelling on past mistakes. It changed when I noticed my ungodly habit rubbing off my kids and recognized the absolute desolation of refusing to learn from past mistakes.

For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death.
(2 Corinthians 7:10)

Instead, I began to tell my children what I had learned from mistakes. When they failed at something, I would repeat a phrase they likely grew sick of hearing over the years: never waste a good mistake.

I meant it. The usefulness of failure became clear to me during an afternoon chat with a neighbor on her front porch. She mentioned failing statistics several times in high school and talked about how much she hated standard deviations and probabilities. When she caught my blank stare, she asked, “Don’t you remember?”

I did not.

Ironically, I’d aced the class. Yet as the conversation progressed, it became clear she remembered far more statistics than I did despite her failures and my apparent success.

As I took this new thought to the Lord, He showed me where my personal areas of failure were now lessons more deeply etched than those areas I’d skimmed over by succeeding.

Because of this realization, I determined to not only allow my children to fail but to show them how to best learn from it. I didn’t withhold the large red X on incorrect problems, and I resisted the trend in my circles to give them straight As at the end of each grading period.

Instead, I graded appropriately. Good grades were earned, not granted. Whenever work was done incorrectly, I would bring the graded paper back to my little pupil and have them rework the problem. Together, we would think through what went wrong.

However, I did not change the grade. Instead, I provided a chance to learn from mistakes so the next grade would be better.

I wanted to challenge them, and I wanted them to fail so they would see failure is not an end. It is not a thing to be feared. Instead, failure is merely another step in the journey. In truth, failure can even be a more memorable step than instant success. Whatever we wrestle through, we tend to recall more vividly.

I’m convinced this is part of why God allows us to fail. By failing, we see our own fragility; our weakness and need for Him. Also by failing, we learn not to be afraid to try because we discover failure is not so bad, after all.

In fact, through failure, we learn humility and to better trust the God who never fails. 

"Remember this and stand firm, recall it to mind, you transgressors, 
remember the former things of old; 
for I am God, and there is no other; 
I am God, and there is none like me, 
declaring the end from the beginning and from ancient times things not yet done,
 saying, 'My counsel shall stand, and I will accomplish all my purpose,'
(Isaiah 46:8-10)

Caught in the Act

~ Heather Davis ~ Leave a comment

I want to share a recent moment of conviction with y’all. I was caught in the act of sinning, but because I am a parent, I know it was for my own good.

It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline?

Hebrews 12:7

Last Saturday, I had a migraine and went to bed early. I woke up Sunday morning to find dirty dishes waiting for me in the kitchen. Since my husband and I are empty-nesters, it didn’t take much to determine the identity of the culprit. It made me angry, and my mind filled with ugly, hateful thoughts – thoughts I indulged as I began to tidy up.

Then my sullen inner dialog was interrupted by these words: the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve…

With that Scripture, the Holy Spirit convicted me of my sinful response to my husband’s dish indiscretion.

One of the passages you’ll find this verse in is Matthew 20:20-28. This is where the mother of two of Jesus’s disciples, James and John, had approached the Lord. As if to prove helicopter moms existed before helicopters did, she asked that her sons be given prominent positions in His kingdom when Jesus established it.

Jesus responded in a way that doubtless stalled the rotors of the matriarch: He offered a lesson in humility. After an initial declaration that the positions of power she requested were not His to offer, He went on to teach hard truths about the power. The kind of power mankind associates with leadership is in stark contrast to God’s way of leading. In fact, Jesus stated that even He – the King of kings – “came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Matthew 20:28).

As the Spirit brought these things to mind, yours truly was certainly humbled and repented in prayer as I washed the dishes. But He was not done with me yet. While I went about my morning routine, God brought to mind all the ways my husband has given his life for me – working ridiculous hours so I could stay home with our kids when they were little, sacrificing so I could homeschool, and even staying in jobs that wore him out so our children could have a private school education in high school.

Then there’s Jesus who did give His life as a ransom for mine – even though in my arrogant youth, I mocked Him and His followers. Despite my scorn, He loved me and chose me, paying the penalty I deserved for my very haughtiness and my derision of Him.

But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. . . For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life.

Romans 5:8, 10

And yet, here I was complaining about a couple of dishes.

The truth is, if I’m to be Christlike, that means being willing to serve. Period. No contingencies, no clauses, no conditions. I’m thankful for the Holy Spirit reminding me of this truth when I slipped into sin. Getting caught in the act may not be exactly comfortable, but I’ve come to learn that the end result is beyond wonderful.

For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

Hebrews 12:11

Christ’s Likeness

~ Heather Davis ~ 5 Comments

Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

Philippians 2:5-8

It’s one thing to claim a desire for Christlikeness, it’s quite another to live each day with the selflessness Jesus actually exhibited. For although He is the exact imprint of God the Father, Jesus walked the dusty Middle Eastern streets without a shred of the honor due his Name. Instead of coming in glory to compel our worship, Jesus came as a sacrifice.  

As I meditated on today’s passage, the Holy Spirit revealed an ugly truth about myself. When I’ve said, “I want to be Christlike,” what I’ve often wanted is the exaltation of Christ without His depth of humility; the glory without the gore.

I wanted to be perceived as a servant while forgoing the distasteful business of always putting others’ needs before my own. And a decades-long battle with chronic migraine and myalgic encephalomyelitis makes this attitude oh-so-easy to justify.  

Some might say I have good reason for frustration when I come home, achy and fatigued, only to find the house seemingly full of dishes and dog hair. But the truth is, my anger is mere self-focus and leads only to resentment.

I’ve wasted enough of my life nursing resentful thoughts. Whether justified or not, they only warped my attitude and grew into caustic actions and words. The more attention I focused on my need, the more malignant the needs seemed to grow.

There’s nothing remotely Christ-like in such a life.

The Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting. It has been found difficult and left untried.

– G. K. Chesterton

By God’s grace, His Spirit intervened, opening my eyes to this self-centered and self-inflicted poison. I repented, yielded this area of my life to Him in prayer, and asked that He make me more like the Lord I love.

Now when unmet needs provoke irritation, He whispers, “My grace is sufficient…”

When my family leaves housework me to do after a job or volunteer work has left me drained, the Spirit murmurs, “The Son of Man came not to be served, but to serve…”

And when I’ve given all I have to give and there is so much more required, He calls to mind the words of Paul, “For I am already being poured out as a drink offering…”

After all, if my King came to live on earth as a servant, why should I expect anything more than servanthood for myself?

Wisdom Seeker: Day 27

~ Heather Davis ~ 4 Comments

Proverbs 27

Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.

Proverbs 27:6

There’s quite a bit of wisdom in the reading today, as usual, but verse 6 is the one that stood out to me. Why? Well, I guess because I have been blessed with true friends – friends who are more concerned with my eternal good than my present comfort. Friends who will not hesitate to speak difficult truths if I need to hear them.

They are not harsh or hateful -far from it! But I greatly appreciate people who are unafraid to tell me I have broccoli in my teeth. How much more, then, when they are unafraid to point out where my feet have strayed from the Way?

Thank You, Lord, for friends who love You enough and love me enough to keep me accountable to You on this journey! They are a gift I am definitely grateful for.

How about you? Do you have friends who will say the hard things? And are you humble enough to receive it when they do?

I know that part is hard – I struggle with it myself. But I’ve asked the Lord to keep me humble and teachable, and He is always faithful to answer. It doesn’t mean I don’t feel the sting of a well-placed bit of conviction. It simply means I can see the need for it, repent, and move into that sweet spot of joy and gratitude.

He will do the same for you. All you have to do is ask … and cooperate. It’s worth it.

Tuesday Prayer: Glory to God

~ Heather Davis ~ 4 Comments

Not to us, O LORD, not to us, but to your name give glory, for the sake of your steadfast love and your faithfulness!

Psalm 115:1


Oh Lord our God, You are the Almighty; the Holy One whose patience is beyond imagining and whose compassion knows no end. Thank You for loving us enough to step down from Your throne and walk in the midst of the mess of humanity. Thank You for paying the price of a sin debt we could never hope to repay and setting us free from slavery to sin! We owe You everything, Lord; may it be that we cheerfully give all to the One who gave Himself for us.

As we minister to others here on earth in Your name, we confess that often our pride creeps in. At times, we begin to do a work for You, yet we secretly hope for recognition or praise for the thing we have done. Other times, we trust in our good works rather than in Your grace, not remembering that the best we have to offer You is nothing more than rags stained with our own self-righteous conceit.

We have all become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous deeds are like a polluted garment. We all fade like a leaf, and our iniquities, like the wind, take us away.

Isaiah 64:6

We confess that sometimes we forget apart from You, we can truly do nothing of eternal value.

Forgive our pride, Lord! Forgive us when we seek glory for ourselves or when we serve others for accolades from man rather than from a posture of humility and gratitude for the undeserved gift of salvation. Teach our hearts true humility. Change our hearts to love serving You for who You are and not for applause and accolades. Let the love of You be motive enough for us to do all that You call us to do. 

May it be that if any amount of recognition or praise falls on us, we shift the burden of it to You. In truth, glory is a burden too heavy for mortal shoulders to bear. You alone are able to carry the weight of glory without being warped or twisted by it. When we seize glory for ourselves, we become distorted by it and our pride advances like a cancer infecting all we do. Thanks be to You, our King, that Your grace saves us from our own self-importance!

Open our eyes to places where pride has encroached on Your grace, then uproot our pride and destroy it, Lord. As we repent of pride and reject it, make our lives into an accurate a reflection of Your glory. Purify our motives by the sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit. Teach us to delight ourselves in You, doing justice and loving kindness all while walking humbly with You, our God.

He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?

Micah 6:8

Then, O Gracious Lord, use us as ministers of Your grace, love, and truth everywhere we go. May our changed lives be evidence of Your redemptive power, and may we glorify You in all we do so everyone we encounter will hear and see the goodness and excellence of our mighty God. In the name of the Son we pray, amen.

Now to him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy, to the only God, our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen.

Jude 1:24-25

Tuesday Prayer: The King’s Birthday

~ Heather Davis ~ 6 Comments

I will never forget your precepts, for by them you have given me life. I am yours; save me, for I have sought your precepts.

Psalm 119:93-94

My Lord and King, today is the day we celebrate Your birth as a human child. Though we don’t know the hour or the date, we do know that our almighty and eternal God did something incomprehensible: You stepped down from Your throne of glory and clothed Yourself in the flesh of Your own creation – not to proclaim Your might as Sovereign but to set us an example of humility and service by Your death. Truly, You are Immanuel – God with us.

Lord, no act of humility or service I can offer You will ever come close to matching what You’ve already done for me. Nothing in creation is worthy of wrapping up and giving to You. I have nothing to offer You on Your birthday; nothing to give that You haven’t first given to me.

All I have is my love for You and my will, such as they are. Though it may be a feeble thread of what ought to be, I offer You my love. I surrender my will to Yours and pray for the grace to remain in a posture of surrender forever.

I give You my adoration, my mind, body, and soul. These are the only gifts I can give my King, and even those exist only because You created them in me. And so as I celebrate Your birthday this year, I give You back what You’ve already redeemed as Your own. I am Yours, Lord; save me. Amen.

Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign. Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and shall call his name Immanuel.

Isaiah 7:14

Tuesday Prayer: Communication

~ Heather Davis ~ 8 Comments

Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.
(Colossians 4:6)

Mighty Creator God, You fashioned mankind after Your own image, bestowing on us the blessings of creativity, of sight and hearing and speech so that we may see Your good works, hear Your voice, and lift our voices in praise to You. Yet we have fallen. From the first man down through the generations and spanning the billions of lives in human history, we have all fallen and soiled Your glorious image with the dirt of this earth.

All men but One, that is.

Your Son alone walked this earth as a man, redeeming mankind and presenting the perfect Image of God. He was Man as mankind was meant to be, walking in humility and love, honoring the Father and obedient to His will. It is through Him alone that we  can cover our rags once more in the resplendence of the Light of the world, the spotless garment of righteousness offered us by our King.

All of us who are in Christ now bear the privilege and the responsibility of bearing Your image well; of representing Your name and Your Kingdom accurately to a lost and dying world. For this reason today, Lord, we ask that You will set a guard over our lips and keep watch over the door to our mouths.

Set a guard, O LORD, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips!
(Psalms 141:3)

In all our communications with others – verbally, over social media, via body language, in our commute, around our tables, in our homes, in the marketplaces, or wherever we find ourselves – teach us to use gracious speech. Where firmness is needed, show us how to be unyielding and yet gentle as we not only proclaim Your truth but exemplify it in our lives.

Lord, when controversies arise as they so often do in this era of information overload, remind us that the Lord’s servant is not to be quarrelsome but kind to all, able to teach, and correcting those in opposition to Your truth with gentleness.

Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth…
(2 Timothy 2:23-25)

Instead of seeing people with viewpoints that oppose Your truth as our enemies, remind ourselves who our true enemy is – the accuser and father of lies. As we wage war against his forces on this earth, remind us to do battle with humility, always leaning on You, the Lord of Hosts who fights for us.

Remind us, too, to pray for those who are ensnared by the devil so that they may be set free by Christ. And as we pray for them, remind us to pray that we do not become entangled in sin ourselves but instead pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace with a pure heart, amen.

So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.
(2 Timothy 2:22)

Hurt by Church? Me too. Let’s Chat.

~ Heather Davis ~ 25 Comments

My turn first.

It’s true. I have been hurt by church – even hurt by a church whose stated purpose is to provide a safe place to connect to God for those who have been hurt by church. A trifle ironic, you might say, and you’d be right.

However, I’m not here to drag the leadership of this church through the mud. There will be no character assassination attempts, no ranting or railing against the injustice of it all. In fact, there will be a shocking deficit of details about my experience.

What I want most to express is this: I am glad it happened.

No, you didn’t misread. I have a genuine, heartfelt, sincere sense of glee because I have been hurt by church. Sorry if that isn’t what you expected to hear. Yet bear with me and hear me out…

I admit I wasn’t always glad about it. To the contrary, there were years in which I was downright bitter about the thing. I was in pain. I was angry. I licked my wounds and sulked. I threw a huge pity party and invited me, myself, and I, and we sat around and placated one another’s tender little ol’ feelings.

Basically, I hopped on the crazy train without even looking at the itinerary first. And I have to say I didn’t really like where it left me when the time came to disembark.

For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
Hebrews 12:11

So, there I was, alone and lacking the proper attire in a wasteland echoing with the sounds of my  sniveling self-pity with naught to eat but the acrid fruit of my own sharp tongue.

“Today also my complaint is bitter; my hand is heavy on account of my groaning.
Job 23:2

Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.
Proverbs 18:21

Not fun. Still, I am truthfully glad it happened. Not because it hurt, but because God uses all things – pain and pleasure alike – to shape His people for eternity. Maybe especially pain.

The thing is, God did not leave me to whine forever in that wasteland. Oh He let me endure it for a bit. Gave me my head, saw how far I would run astray from the Master I love. He allowed me the natural consequences of my sulky response to pain.

But He didn’t leave me because the wasteland was nothing more than a pit stop down the broad path which leads to destruction. And destruction was something I was embracing while I nursed my hurts as if they were dear, beloved friends.

Meanwhile, I was allowing something foolish like hurt feelings to build walls between me and my actual dear, beloved friends.

The stupid part is, I knew better.

In the logical part of my brain, I knew the decision which wounded me was made at a time when we were all worn thin, church leadership and laypeople alike.

It was a difficult season in our church’s history, and each one of us was exerting an enormous amount of energy just to keep our heads above water and make each Sunday happen. And I also knew the decision had not been made as a personal slight.

I knew that. Yet for some reason, my pride still felt a sting and I allowed it to grow. And fester.

But my Father is good. He knows when I have had enough of my own way, and He is faithful to bring me back to the narrow path by His side. And to be honest, that part hurt, too.

… He disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
Hebrews 12:10-11

My God disciplined me for my own good, so I can share in something better than approval from man, or praise, or whatever it was I felt robbed of at the time. I can share in His holiness. 

Wow. Seriously, wow.

But I have to tell you, the discipline part hurt. Maybe even more than the original wound.

Because of my bitterness, I was forced to take an honest look at myself. I was compelled to assess the situation, acknowledge what I knew to be true about it, and continue in God’s Word and work.

Then once I had reconciled reality with my faulty perception, it was time to slay the seething monster. But it wouldn’t die.

Each time I believed it dead and moved on, the vile thing would pop its ugly head back up in a new location. Despite my best efforts at extraction, a root of bitterness coiled around my heart and continued to send new shoots piercing through my words at most inconvenient times.

It was humbling. It was horrible. And frankly, as a woman who spends so much time with her Father in His Word and in conversation throughout the days, it was embarrassing.

But it was also good.

You see, God used one perceived slight to show me something I had overlooked. He used it to expose my selfish tendencies, my desire for approval, my propensity to “accidentally” allow my left hand a peek or two at what my right hand was doing.

He used it to expose my pride. My tendency to harbor bitterness. My inflated self-importance. And more.

But in exposing these things, He also began a long and painful work of removing them. And He prompted me to do something I can hope will be the proverbial stake through the monster’s heart.

He prompted me to confess my bitterness to two friends who in some ways represent the church I write of because they are the pastor and his wife. But as I said before, they are also my friends. And I confessed to them the bitterness I wanted gone from my life,  knowing they would accept my confession and pray for me.

It was humbling, sure, but it was also liberating. By confessing, the ugly monster no longer lurked in the depths of my heart but was brought out into the sunshine where it can wither and die. May this be the final nail in its coffin.

And so, in being hurt by church, I was able to discover and address my own junk.

There is no church on earth where people will not, from time to time, hurt one another. We are all selfish at heart. We can all be thoughtless. We respond to one another out of fatigue or pain or a myriad of other problems. And not a single one of us can read the minds and hearts of others, and so we never know if what we say or do might inflict some unintentional wound.

But my friends, that’s the inherent beauty in the church. It’s called sanctification, and it means dealing both with our own hideous monsters and with the hideous monsters of others. It’s how we learn to confess, to forgive, to grow in Christ. To become more like Him in His holiness and humility.

I am thankful for friends I can confess my sin to who will listen and hear my heart then pray for me. And I pray the stupid rift caused by bitterness will truly be healed.

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.
James 5:16a

And I’m even more thankful for a God who loves me enough to show me the nasty bits breeding beneath the surface of my soul, then rip them out before they squeeze the life from my heart and relationships.

So what has God wrought in you through times of being hurt, by church or otherwise?