homeschool myths

Homeschool Myth #3: Socialization

~ Heather Davis ~ Leave a comment

I’ve already covered two other prevailing myths (here and here) about homeschooling, and I plan this to be the final myth-busting post.. at least for now. After today, the focus will shift to sharing what I’ve learned – both triumphs and failures – in hopes that others can glean wisdom from both. But now, time to tackle the most pervasive myth I’ve encountered: the myth that homeschoolers lack proper socialization.

Even with the mainstreaming of homeschooling in the post-pandemic world, this strange stigma still persists. If this is a fear holding you back, allow me to speak rather passionately on the absurdity of this particular fiction.

1. Kids Don’t Attend School to Socialize

For those of us who grew up in public school, we already know how much trouble a kid could get into for talking in class. Teachers are there to teach, not to facilitate social hour, and I know from personal experience how frustrating it is as a teacher when your students ignore the material and focus on Jenny’s new boyfriend or Joey’s new dog. Class time is meant for learning, not socializing.

Of course there’s the 25-30 minute school lunch break, offering students enough time to line up, march through the cafeteria line, scarf down their partly-burnt, partly-frozen pizza, and hope to beat the rush to the bathroom before heading back to class. In this little window, kids do have a chance to talk while eating, but there certainly isn’t time to really flex those social muscles.

In fact, most of social time in a school setting (public or private) happens after school hours during extra-curricular activities. Activities, I may add, that are not exclusively available to public or private schools.

Then there’s the social time between classes in hallways, but as any public school veteran knows, these times are often dominated by cliques, bullying, or hiding from bullies.

To be blunt, public school does not guarantee a good handle on social situations. A broken family, autistic tendencies, tragedy, abuse – there are many factors that contribute to a child’s social well-being or lack thereof. While there are opportunities in school for children to learn group dynamics, these opportunities are not limited to schools.

A school is not the only place one may develop robust social skills. Even in the best cases, a school setting (again, public or private) still fails to provide a real-world social environment, bringing me nicely to the next point.

2. Schools Are a Social Anomaly

In the workplaces of the world, it is incredibly rare when an individual works exclusively with a group of peers whose birthdates are within approximately 13 months or so of his own. Unless you’re an entrepreneur working with a select group of pals developing a niche start-up, your co-workers span several decades and represent a variety of generations.

In fact, there are very few places where people socialize only with other people the same age as them, schools being one. The reason for this is the modern mass-education approach to schooling that is not dissimilar to an assembly line.

Kids of a certain age are developmentally able to handle certain information, thus we group them accordingly and stick the bits of info in at key points as they travel along the assembly line. This mass-production approach only serves to reinforce my first point. While it may be an OK way of passing on knowledge (as opposed to a good method), the type of socializing it provides for does not prepare children for real life situations.

Homeschooled children, on the other hand, frequently interact with people of all ages. Because they often go along on errands, they can learn to speak to retail clerks of all ages. With the popularity of homeschool coops and group events, homeschooled children have the privilege of mixing with a variety of ages and stages outside the classroom setting. And because homeschool parents are generally involved, there is much less room for bullying, predatory actions, and other unpleasant social behaviors.

Even when they were quite young, my children and their friends were comfortable talking to adults. We did our best to make them aware of the dangers of trusting unknown adults, of course, and I was always at hand for such encounters. But it was wonderful to watch them ask questions of the volunteers at the aquarium when we visited or get a little more in-depth look at blacksmithing or soap making from the booths at a local history fair because they did not hesitate to ask. The workers at such events often delight in sharing their knowledge, creating a beautiful win-win.

Granted, it is possible to homeschool and cloister one’s kids away from the world, but this is a choice; a choice you do not have to make if you choose to homeschool. There are plenty of opportunities for homeschool kids to develop social skills, as we’ll discuss next.

3. Homeschool Social Opportunities Abound

There came a point in my homeschool journey when I realized it was quite possible to allow my brood to spend the entire school day socializing. There were field trips and clubs; PE classes and nature walks; mock governments and good, old-fashioned playdates galore. I confess I began my homeschool journey concerned about them socially, but this concern was quickly dissipated.

In fact, after the first year, the last thing I worried about was socializing. They had plenty of that. Rather, I had to guard our class time like the crown jewels in order to keep social hours from trumping math and grammar.

If lack of socialization is a fear of yours, don’t let it stop you from homeschooling. Instead, set yourself to prioritize learning time so the social element can be a reward rather than a key focus. Socializing comes easier to kids than algebra, after all, so don’t sweat it.

Besides, there are some social elements you probably don’t want them to get drawn into.

4. What about Amoral Societies?

Socialization (noun): the process beginning during childhood by which individuals acquire the values, habits, and attitudes of a society (Source: merriam-webster.com).

Let’s not overlook the fact that not all socialization is positive. Kids want to conform to what is seen as “normal,” but for a true disciple of Christ, this is a problem.

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect (Romans 12:2).

From a cultural standpoint, “normal” is nebulous, and it does not always line up with biblical truth or the design of the Designer.

At a not-too-distant point in history, American “normal” lined up fairly well with biblical values – even if the underlying motivations were different. There was at least a clear distinction recognized between right and wrong as well as a social stigma for crossing that line.

You really don’t even have to fast forward to see the change, it happened so quickly. We’ve cast off many of our former restraints. Now we live in a cultural moment where individuals decide what is good or bad.

Live your truth has replaced the idea of an objective standard of good and evil, fragmenting the very ideas of right and wrong into infinitesimal and uncountable splinters that no longer have a cohesive social whole.

And that’s just one aspect. There are so many more. Drugs. Racial hatred. The alphabet soup agenda. Political propaganda spoon-fed to kids too young to understand politics. The bizarre ideas that what’s true for you might not be true for me or that two parties cannot disagree and still get along.

With all this chaos dancing in the social sphere, the question becomes, “Do I really want my child to fit in to this social realm?”

Of course, homeschooling will not shield your baby from all of it. The fact is, whether we homeschool or not, we will have to walk our children through reality in a way neither we nor previous generations had to.

However, in homeschooling, you do have the privilege of controlling the environment just a bit more. You stand at the gates and can allow the issues to trickle in one-by-one or in pairs, tackling each one as it arises or introducing it when the Lord leads you to.

It’s not a perfect system, but we live in an imperfect and fallen world. Thanks be to God, He has sent us a perfect Savior to rescue us from our own evil hearts and given us His Spirit to be our Guide! With His help, you can guide your young ones socially as well as academically.

Homeschool Myth #2: You Need a Degree to Homeschool

~ Heather Davis ~ 4 Comments

Oh how I love your law! It is my meditation all the day. Your commandment makes me wiser than my enemies, for it is ever with me. I have more understanding than all my teachers, for your testimonies are my meditation
(Psalms 119:97-99).

Though homeschooling is even more mainstream than it was in my time, the decision to homeschool will always bring with it a barrage of well-meaning concern from others. Often, many of these concerns stem from homeschooling myths. In a previous post, we discussed the myth that homeschool parents must possess a bottomless well of patience. Today I want to address another myth you are likely to encounter, especially if – like me – you never obtained a college degree.

In fact, if you lack a college degree, be prepared to face withering criticism from others who believe only a degreed teacher is adequate for the task of teaching children. Or your own insecurity over the lack may rise up to confront you (it did me!). Face it, but don’t let it get to you.

Even if you do have a degree, doubts may still linger. Especially if your degree isn’t related to teaching, maybe it’s in mechanical engineering or marketing, you may fear or be told those skills are not transferable to homeschooling. This post is for you, too.

In answer to all of the above, I offer that no school or textbook training can prepare a person for the actual work of teaching your own children. Even for the trained teacher, classroom teaching is quite a different animal than homeschooling. If you’ve been called by God to homeschool, I urge not to allow naysayers or self-doubt cause you grief.

A call to homeschool is not given by a college nor by well-meaning critics; it is given by God. He is the One to please with your efforts, He is the only One who can prepare you to do the work He calls you to, and He alone is the appropriate Judge for the outcome.

With that in mind, let’s peek into this myth.

Myth: Only Degreed Teachers Can Teach Properly

Respectfully, no. Just no – although I suppose I ought to elaborate.

While i admit it may be useful in the high school years to have specialized training – especially for higher-level mathematics or sciences – the vast majority of subjects in elementary through high school learning are easily accessible to the average human being. And as for elementary school – well, it is elementary; by definition “straightforward and uncomplicated.”

As for those higher subjects, you have picked a wonderful time to homeschool. In today’s world, there is a veritable smorgasbord of resources both for teaching and learning everything from basic math to ancient Hebrew. Historically speaking, this is a beautiful time to homeschool. Even if you are utterly incapable of teaching the high-level material, you can find a tutor, an online class, or even a dual-enrollment college course to fill the gap. Don’t let fear of high school calculus discourage you!

But for those who insist a person must have the training afforded by a degree in order to teach, I present Exhibit A.

Exhibit A: The Case of the Mistaken Teacher

When I was just beginning my homeschool journey, a public school teacher in my circle vocalized strong doubt in my ability to teach my kiddos elementary math and grammar without a degree. In the same afternoon, this person shared a tale when a student corrected a geography lesson – a lesson the person had been teaching (incorrectly) for several years. The pre-pubescent student was right, and the college-educated teacher erred.

My point? Acquiring a degree does not confer infallibility. Nor does the time, money, and effort spent in obtaining a degree magically bestow intelligence or aptitude upon the recipient.

There are tons of brilliant humans with the proper papers in frames on their wall and a string of letters after their signature. However, I submit to you that there are also incredibly… disappointing… humans with precisely the same trappings.

I know both homeschoolers and classroom teachers with and without degrees who are absolutely amazing teachers. I also know people in both positions who, quite frankly, stink at their jobs. Thus my argument is neither for or against college degrees. It is merely against the stipulation that a degree is required for a successful homeschool.

Degrees Are Not Guarantees

So, is a degree helpful in homeschooling? The best I have is – maybe.

Assuming you’ve not yet paid off your student debt, a degree may even present an obstacle to homeschooling. Homeschooling is a full-time job where you purchase curriculum rather than earn salary so you won’t recoup the cost of a degree, if that’s what you mean.

College training may enable you to tackle certain high school subjects with greater confidence. Then again, by the time your children arrive at that stage of learning, you may have forgotten it anyway. Or your knowledge could be out of date.

Or you may be too busy trying to pay off your student debt to really focus on teaching the high-level material. With this in mind, I submit Exhibit B.

Exhibit B: The Case of the Unlikely & Untrained Teacher

Due to what amounts to a mental health crisis in my late teens and early twenties, I never completed my degree. I had a 4.0 for my one shining semester of college, yet I allowed choking despair and financial fear to dictate my decisions and did not return.

Fast forward to the moment the Lord called me to homeschool. I was fabulously impatient, had an anger problem, and suffered from debilitating chronic migraines (which eventually became intractable) beginning in my son’s kindergarten year and continuing through most of my homeschool days.

Not exactly a recipe for success.

Nevertheless despite my inadequacies, God did call me and I did obey, even managing to educate my three children quite well (though not I but Christ in me).

Did I do it perfectly? Unequivocally no. I made gobs of mistakes, and I plan to share many of them with you on this blog so you can learn from my failures. However, by God’s grace I did many things right as well – often quite by accident. These I will also share in future posts.

Despite my glaring lack, all three of my kids had no trouble assimilating into a private high school when my husband decided to make that transition in their high school years, nor was college a problem.*

Yes, it’s true they acquired higher-level learning before college from the private school, but the foundation was well-laid – NOT by me but by the incredible mercy of a God whose power was made perfect in my weakness (and in my degree-lessness). This is no boast of my own efforts but presented as proof of what the God who called me was able to do despite my lack of training or credentials.

The Best Way to Teach Properly

In short, whether you have a degree or not, you will make mistakes.

A degree does not serve as a barrier against human fallibility. Trained and experienced teachers make mistakes, and so will you. Don’t use this as a copout for a lack of diligence, but don’t let it become an obstacle you fear, either. Instead, learn to embrace mistakes and learn from them. As I always told my kids: never waste a good mistake.

So if you don’t need a degree to homeschool, what do you need?

I posit the greatest need is a vibrant, healthy, and active relationship with the living God whose power is perfected in our weakness – along with humility. You won’t have all the answers, but you will have the wonderful opportunity to show your kids how to do the leg work to find the answers – a far more rewarding process in the long run.

You also have the privilege of encouraging what a degree cannot impart either to you or your kiddos: a love for learning (and hey – model it if you really want to get the message across). Daily invite God in to find and fill the gaps. If He has called you, He will guide you through it as well – albeit often with just enough light to see the next step.

But don’t think your obedience will guarantee you’ll churn out the next Einstein or Charles Spurgeon. God is faithful, but His purposes for your children may be less flashy than your dreams for them. I learned this the painful way.

What I want you to take away is that you can trust the God who called you to homeschool to complete His purposes through your efforts, no matter how many or few credentials you have.

*DISCLAIMER: This is not entirely true. One child struggled in college due in part to the pandemic but more to acquiring a bad habit of sleeping through school and making As in high school – a fact I was highly displeased with when I discovered it during his senior year. Until then, I’d wrongly believed I was paying for him to learn accountability, among other things! In this particular case, I feel strongly said child would have been better served by homeschooling through high school, as I would have dealt out consequences for sleeping in class and forced better study skills in the process. But that’s neither here nor there.