disciple

Homeschool Myth #3: Socialization

~ Heather Davis ~ Leave a comment

I’ve already covered two other prevailing myths (here and here) about homeschooling, and I plan this to be the final myth-busting post.. at least for now. After today, the focus will shift to sharing what I’ve learned – both triumphs and failures – in hopes that others can glean wisdom from both. But now, time to tackle the most pervasive myth I’ve encountered: the myth that homeschoolers lack proper socialization.

Even with the mainstreaming of homeschooling in the post-pandemic world, this strange stigma still persists. If this is a fear holding you back, allow me to speak rather passionately on the absurdity of this particular fiction.

1. Kids Don’t Attend School to Socialize

For those of us who grew up in public school, we already know how much trouble a kid could get into for talking in class. Teachers are there to teach, not to facilitate social hour, and I know from personal experience how frustrating it is as a teacher when your students ignore the material and focus on Jenny’s new boyfriend or Joey’s new dog. Class time is meant for learning, not socializing.

Of course there’s the 25-30 minute school lunch break, offering students enough time to line up, march through the cafeteria line, scarf down their partly-burnt, partly-frozen pizza, and hope to beat the rush to the bathroom before heading back to class. In this little window, kids do have a chance to talk while eating, but there certainly isn’t time to really flex those social muscles.

In fact, most of social time in a school setting (public or private) happens after school hours during extra-curricular activities. Activities, I may add, that are not exclusively available to public or private schools.

Then there’s the social time between classes in hallways, but as any public school veteran knows, these times are often dominated by cliques, bullying, or hiding from bullies.

To be blunt, public school does not guarantee a good handle on social situations. A broken family, autistic tendencies, tragedy, abuse – there are many factors that contribute to a child’s social well-being or lack thereof. While there are opportunities in school for children to learn group dynamics, these opportunities are not limited to schools.

A school is not the only place one may develop robust social skills. Even in the best cases, a school setting (again, public or private) still fails to provide a real-world social environment, bringing me nicely to the next point.

2. Schools Are a Social Anomaly

In the workplaces of the world, it is incredibly rare when an individual works exclusively with a group of peers whose birthdates are within approximately 13 months or so of his own. Unless you’re an entrepreneur working with a select group of pals developing a niche start-up, your co-workers span several decades and represent a variety of generations.

In fact, there are very few places where people socialize only with other people the same age as them, schools being one. The reason for this is the modern mass-education approach to schooling that is not dissimilar to an assembly line.

Kids of a certain age are developmentally able to handle certain information, thus we group them accordingly and stick the bits of info in at key points as they travel along the assembly line. This mass-production approach only serves to reinforce my first point. While it may be an OK way of passing on knowledge (as opposed to a good method), the type of socializing it provides for does not prepare children for real life situations.

Homeschooled children, on the other hand, frequently interact with people of all ages. Because they often go along on errands, they can learn to speak to retail clerks of all ages. With the popularity of homeschool coops and group events, homeschooled children have the privilege of mixing with a variety of ages and stages outside the classroom setting. And because homeschool parents are generally involved, there is much less room for bullying, predatory actions, and other unpleasant social behaviors.

Even when they were quite young, my children and their friends were comfortable talking to adults. We did our best to make them aware of the dangers of trusting unknown adults, of course, and I was always at hand for such encounters. But it was wonderful to watch them ask questions of the volunteers at the aquarium when we visited or get a little more in-depth look at blacksmithing or soap making from the booths at a local history fair because they did not hesitate to ask. The workers at such events often delight in sharing their knowledge, creating a beautiful win-win.

Granted, it is possible to homeschool and cloister one’s kids away from the world, but this is a choice; a choice you do not have to make if you choose to homeschool. There are plenty of opportunities for homeschool kids to develop social skills, as we’ll discuss next.

3. Homeschool Social Opportunities Abound

There came a point in my homeschool journey when I realized it was quite possible to allow my brood to spend the entire school day socializing. There were field trips and clubs; PE classes and nature walks; mock governments and good, old-fashioned playdates galore. I confess I began my homeschool journey concerned about them socially, but this concern was quickly dissipated.

In fact, after the first year, the last thing I worried about was socializing. They had plenty of that. Rather, I had to guard our class time like the crown jewels in order to keep social hours from trumping math and grammar.

If lack of socialization is a fear of yours, don’t let it stop you from homeschooling. Instead, set yourself to prioritize learning time so the social element can be a reward rather than a key focus. Socializing comes easier to kids than algebra, after all, so don’t sweat it.

Besides, there are some social elements you probably don’t want them to get drawn into.

4. What about Amoral Societies?

Socialization (noun): the process beginning during childhood by which individuals acquire the values, habits, and attitudes of a society (Source: merriam-webster.com).

Let’s not overlook the fact that not all socialization is positive. Kids want to conform to what is seen as “normal,” but for a true disciple of Christ, this is a problem.

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect (Romans 12:2).

From a cultural standpoint, “normal” is nebulous, and it does not always line up with biblical truth or the design of the Designer.

At a not-too-distant point in history, American “normal” lined up fairly well with biblical values – even if the underlying motivations were different. There was at least a clear distinction recognized between right and wrong as well as a social stigma for crossing that line.

You really don’t even have to fast forward to see the change, it happened so quickly. We’ve cast off many of our former restraints. Now we live in a cultural moment where individuals decide what is good or bad.

Live your truth has replaced the idea of an objective standard of good and evil, fragmenting the very ideas of right and wrong into infinitesimal and uncountable splinters that no longer have a cohesive social whole.

And that’s just one aspect. There are so many more. Drugs. Racial hatred. The alphabet soup agenda. Political propaganda spoon-fed to kids too young to understand politics. The bizarre ideas that what’s true for you might not be true for me or that two parties cannot disagree and still get along.

With all this chaos dancing in the social sphere, the question becomes, “Do I really want my child to fit in to this social realm?”

Of course, homeschooling will not shield your baby from all of it. The fact is, whether we homeschool or not, we will have to walk our children through reality in a way neither we nor previous generations had to.

However, in homeschooling, you do have the privilege of controlling the environment just a bit more. You stand at the gates and can allow the issues to trickle in one-by-one or in pairs, tackling each one as it arises or introducing it when the Lord leads you to.

It’s not a perfect system, but we live in an imperfect and fallen world. Thanks be to God, He has sent us a perfect Savior to rescue us from our own evil hearts and given us His Spirit to be our Guide! With His help, you can guide your young ones socially as well as academically.

A Note to My Church Family

~ Heather Davis ~ Leave a comment

And he [Jesus] is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church.

Colossians 1:17-18a

Hello, church family,

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Heather Davis, and I’m one of many who call the Church at Station Hill home. I may have taught your elementary-aged child or preschooler on Sunday mornings or at VBS, or you may know me from another capacity in the church. Or you may not know me at all.

That’s kind of my point. I’m nobody in particular; just a church member like you.

Like you, I have many emotions about Jay’s candidacy as the next Senior Pastor at Brentwood Baptist. I have no doubt in my mind or heart that this is God’s will. I cannot think of a better-suited man to take this position. Nor can I think of a better Senior Pastor’s wife than Tanya. She has the incredible ability to support her man while keeping his hat size reasonable and his feet firmly planted on Earth.

I love them as a team and I love them as people. They are wonderful. I am going to miss them and their family, just as all of us are.

But.

Church, I want to talk to you a little bit today. I want to impress on you that we cannot be followers of Jay Strother. We must be followers of Jesus Christ.

If this is God’s church, it’s His choice who goes where – and when – and why. We need not worry about it because we know that He is good. We know that He works all things for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28).

I can tell you from experience, this literally means all things. It means pain. It means suffering. It means this great shaking up. It means joys and triumphs; it means trials and challenges. It even means devastation. ALL THINGS.

This is the amazing power of our God. He can even take our past mistakes and the sin He freed us from and work it for the good of those who love Him and for His church by opening avenues of ministry to those still captive. He fully, utterly redeems. It’s astonishing. That’s what I want us to focus on right now – how good our God is and how thoroughly we can trust Him.

Something I’ve realized over the last couple of days of reflection is how Jay – in true Jay fashion – has been subtly preparing us for this moment for some time now.

Our pastor has worked closely with our God, weaving hints and allusions to change and scattering into his sermons, working from passages God ordained ahead of time. By doing so, he’s helped ready our hearts and simultaneously given us an example of walking in the good works God prepared ahead of time for him to do.

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

Ephesians 2:10

This is why we love his preaching so much. But it’s also why I know he is well-suited to be the next Senior Pastor.

So for now, I encourage us all to just come around him and his family, and show them love and support. When we get our next pastor, let’s show him and his family the same love and support.

I pray that our church will grow spiritually through this; that we’ll experience God’s goodness and sovereignty in an amazing way. And church, I pray that we’ll each lean into what it means to be disciples of Jesus Christ. We cannot follow any human teacher or leader over Jesus.

I’ve had the privilege of sitting under the teaching of amazing and gifted teachers and leaders in my new life in Christ. These people challenged and inspired me, but I don’t follow them. I follow the Lord. And I encourage you to do the same.

Let me share with you that my experience with the Lord includes being saved from dark and horrendous sin as an adult. This was followed by decades of chronic pain and invisible illness, dealing with past and present emotional trauma, and things that honestly might surprise you. I can tell you that every bit of it has served to bring me closer to Jesus. How? Through His Word and through prayer. It really is that simple.

Church family, whatever we face, whatever lies ahead, know this: God is good. He is the One we need. He is our leader, not Jay.

If Christ is truly the head of the church, don’t forget that He is the one to follow. He has so graciously given us his Word. That is what I urge you to press into at this time. Get into the Word of God. As Jay has said so many times, he can’t fill us on Sundays; he can only make us more hungry.

For his sake, for the Lord’s sake, for your own sake – be hungry.

God’s Word is good. The love of Christ, the Word of God, the Spirit of God acting and moving in us – that’s what we are made to need. That’s what God designed us to crave.

And church family, I can promise you this: following Jesus isn’t always comfortable. Just like He’s shaking up our church right now, He will take you places you can never imagine and pull you way, way out of your comfort zone. I’m pretty sure He’s doing that now with Jay and Tanya.

Yet I can promise you this as an ordinary layperson who happens to love and trust the Lord – if we fully surrender and trust in Him, it’s going to be good.

A Disciple’s Pet Peeves: “Jesus Hung Out with Sinners”

~ Heather Davis ~ 15 Comments

I first learned to love God through His Word and didn’t walk through the doors of a church building until I’d read and wrestled through the Book at least once. Since then, I’ve continued to read and wrestle through the Bible repeatedly – a practice that’s brought to light some rather odd discrepancies between the actual Words of God and Bible-belt churchianity culture where I live. A few of these discrepancies have grown into pet peeves, like the oft-repeated mantra, “Jesus hung out with sinners.”

To that, I can only muster both shreds of dignity, roll my eyes, and state with all possible decorum, “Well, duh!”

The LORD saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intention of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.

Genesis 6:5

I have to wonder if anyone who repeats this slogan has actually read the Bible. The whole of it, I mean; not just the verse of the day, an occasional victorious meme, or Aunt Sue’s Hobby Lobby signs.

The LORD looks down from heaven on the children of man, to see if there are any who understand, who seek after God. They have all turned aside; together they have become corrupt; there is none who does good, not even one.

Psalm 14:2-3

Honestly, you don’t need to turn many pages of Scripture to find human beings sinning. All of them. Starting with the first two ever created and spiraling downward from there. My rogue race began with simple disobedience and quickly progressed to bloodshed, polygamy, incest – and it just keeps getting worse.

Even David, the man after God’s own heart, committed adultery (and possibly rape) followed by conspiracy to commit murder to cover his backside (see 1 Samuel 13:14, 2 Samuel 11). Anyone reading it can see the truth behind Paul’s words: “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23). An honest look at the news headlines, social media feeds, or even our own lives confirms this truth is ongoing.

My best guess is that those who repeat this inane refrain are drawing from segments of Scripture such as the following excerpt:

And as he reclined at table in his house, many tax collectors and sinners were reclining with Jesus and his disciples, for there were many who followed him. And the scribes of the Pharisees, when they saw that he was eating with sinners and tax collectors, said to his disciples, “Why does he eat with tax collectors and sinners?” And when Jesus heard it, he said to them, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I came not to call the righteous, but sinners.”

Mark 2:15-17

It’s true – Jesus did dine with sinners. In fact, every time He ate in the presence of a human being, He was dining with a sinner.

To put it another way, Jesus didn’t come to earth with the option of going on occasional retreats with His like-minded buddies who were also sinless incarnations of the Living God. Every person He interacted with was a sinner.

Jesus had no alternatives; if He hung out with anyone, He hung out with sinners.

However, those who spend their time parroting this phrase without contemplation are missing the beauty of the passage. When the Lord responded to the accusations of the Pharisees and scribes, He wasn’t telling them that He preferred the company of sinners to the company of upstanding, righteous members of the community. Or in today’s vernacular, He wasn’t saying He’d rather hang out with prostitutes and drunks than with pastors and clergy.

Instead, He was subtly rebuking them.

Jesus didn’t come to call the righteous – because there are none. He came to call sinners, a label we all carry whether we realize it or not. Even those Pharisees. Especially those Pharisees and those of us who – like them – believe we are “good people” because of what we’ve done and because of our ability to justify the ickier deeds.

I stood upon a high place,
And saw, below, many devils
Running, leaping,
and carousing in sin.
One looked up, grinning,
And said, “Comrade! Brother!”

Stephen Crane

That Jesus spent time around sinners is a given, but the reason this phrase has become a pet peeve is the way it’s often used. Too often, people sling these words around to justify their own poor choices in companionship. If we were Jesus, we needn’t worry about being corrupted by the company we keep. But we are not Him.

While it’s vital that we tell everyone the gospel, it’s also important that we remember our own proclivity to stray. As my pastor says, we need to preach the gospel to ourselves daily; keeping alert to our own need of Him and remaining wary lest we take the easy road into sinful practices and disavow the gospel’s power by our deeds. Or by our pride.

When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom.

Proverbs 11:2

Assassination of Self

~ Heather Davis ~ 13 Comments

For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh…
…For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.
(2 Corinthians 4:11, 17-18)

The call to homeschool is a call to sacrifice.

No, wait. It’s been on my mind lately as I’ve found myself advocating for a troubled young lady. But there’s more to it. Hmmm, maybe –

The call to be a parent is a call to sacrifice.

No, no. Not there yet. To be married? Single? To work? To stay home with your kids? Be a missionary? Be a friend? Be alone? Write? Eat? Breathe?

Ah, yes. It’s all of those and more.

The call to follow Christ is a call to sacrifice.

Or as Dietrich Bonhoeffer stated it:

The cross is laid on every Christian. The first Christ-suffering which every man must experience is the call to abandon the attachments of this world. It is that dying of the old man which is the result of his encounter with Christ. As we embark upon discipleship we surrender ourselves to Christ in union with his death—we give over our  lives to death… When Christ calls a man, he bids him come and die.  (from The Cost of Discipleship)

Let me speak frankly here, my friends. The more I walk and talk with my King; the more I read His word and put it into practice, the more I surrender to Him and learn to trust Him, the more I see the beauty in sacrifice. In death.

Last week, I wrote to you about a confession of my own sin and of the good which came of being hurt by church. Today I can tell you I still feel free from the taint of bitterness. But it was not a process either quick nor comfortable. It was long and terrible, for the root of bitterness was wound tightly around not only my heart, but around everything else as well. And it did not begin with confession – it ended there.

In some ways, it was nothing short of spiritual open-heart surgery. Or, if you will, circumcision of the heart. It was painful. It was bloody. And it was completely worth it.

And there’s the thing – no matter what the King of kings calls us to give up in this life – even if it’s hurt feelings or pride or selfish ambition – it is worth it. Not only will it be worth it for the next bazillion years, it will be worth it here and now.

An image comes to mind here from one of my pastor’s sermons. He spoke of putting to the sword any temptations, selfishness, envy, pride – literally anything which distracts you from the Lord.

Guys, let’s be real here. These are not vague words encompassing ideas of “bad stuff” to avoid. These can even be good things. Praise music. Family visits. Fun times. Entertainment. Anything which has become an idol for us and merits more attention than the God who gave them to us must go. Anything. 

(…and a quick aside for the record, I am not advocating putting your family or your movie collection to the sword! Just the idolatrous misplacement of our own affections…)

Whatever it is which entices us away from the Lord’s best, from growth and humility and Truth, we need to put it to the sword – the Sword of the Spirit which is the Word of God.

Let’s think about the use of a sword for a moment. To put anything to death by the sword, there’s a necessary intimacy. A gun is cold and impersonal; the slight pressure of a single finger and the deed is done. I can shoot from the relative anonymity of a passing car or a window. I can put a neat bullet hole right into a skull without ever seeing the face of the one I robbed of life.

Not so with the sword. To put a person to death with a sword takes proximity. There’s some degree of effort involved, as even a sharp blade will not penetrate far into muscle, bone, and tendon by accident. There will be pain. There will be blood. There will be screams of agony and it is likely I will see the eyes of the one I destroy – the windows to her soul.

Look in the mirror, Soldier. There’s your target. It’s time for the assassination of the old self. But it has to be personal. You have to mean it.

Even when it hurts. Even when it’s embarrassing. That’s just the death throes of our pride, friends. Bloody, messy, agonizing, horrible to endure, but so, so worth it in the long run.

Lord, may we all be willing to let You show us what must die, then give us the strength and trust to put it to death. Forgive us for clinging to what we believe are good things when You truly do know best. No matter how painful or shaming, expose them in us. We yield them to You to rip out, and we take up the sword in cooperation and obedience to You, our King. 

We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin. For one who has died has been set free from sin.
(Romans 6:6-7)