Christian parenting

Homeschool Advice Part 8 | Stay Engaged

~ Heather Davis ~ Leave a comment

Once again, this advice is for all parents, not just homeschoolers. Whether your kids are never out of your sight or you hardly see them; whether they receive their schooling directly from you, from a public school, private school, or a hybrid; literally no matter what is going on in your life with children, the advice is the same: stay engaged.

I know firsthand how tempting it can be to zone out during your homeschool day. Especially once your children reach the age where you become more educational facilitator than hands-on teacher, it’s easy to just let them go do their thing and assume all is well.

Resist this temptation.

Instead, stay engaged in the educational process. Initiate discussions. Ask questions. Have your learners repeat the information they are reading out loud. Not only will this simple practice keep you fully connected with their strengths and weaknesses, it will help them retain their lessons. It is wholly worth the extra few minutes.

Avoid Easy Buttons

Another bit of advice in this realm: don’t waste one of the greatest assets you have as a homeschooler – the ability to review mistakes made in homework. In my words: never waste a good mistake. All mistakes are fantastic opportunities to learn. So, don’t hit the easy button and just discard your kids’ work. Stay engaged in the entire process of learning, grading, and reviewing.

I recommend what I did – grade your children’s homework daily, then take time to go over not only what they missed but why they missed it. Sure, it takes extra effort on your part, but I promise the benefits for them vastly outweigh the inconvenience to you.

This process of reviewing missed problems or questions allows your children the enormous blessing of learning from their mistakes. Plus, it keeps you accountable for not letting things slide on the administrative end.

Win-win.

And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him (Colossians 3:17).

Another easy button to avoid is entertainment in the car. Those trips to and from activities or field trips provide excellent opportunities for conversation. You have a captive audience – as long as you don’t surrender your kids’ attention to technology.

By God’s grace, I avoided the use of technology in the car until my kids were nearly college-aged, and as a result, I was blessed with a multitude of incredible teachable moments and deep conversations. It always amazed me what would come up naturally in the course of passenger-seat conversations.

I still treasure our many (often hilarious) car-ride convos and have never once regretted leaving the distractions behind. To this day, my now college-aged kids prefer chatting in the car to zoning out on their devices when we are driving together.

Deadlines

One critical commitment you must make as the homeschool teacher is enforcing firm deadlines. When my kids were still babies, I began to research the pros and cons of homeschooling. I learned one of the most often reported complaints from colleges was the inability of homeschoolers to meet deadlines.

(And yes, I did in fact contact college admissions departments before my oldest turned four…)

As a Christian, this deadline failure ought to be an ouch moment.

Think of it this way – instead of demonstrating reliability, trustworthiness, and faithfulness, homeschoolers instead present a lax, disrespectful, and slovenly attitude toward other people’s time. An inability to meet deadlines and keep appointments displays a lack of integrity. It is both rude and irresponsible.

Not only would such a failing reflect poorly on your student, it dishonors our Lord. As Christians (homeschooling or no), we bear Christ’s name. Because of this, we are His ambassadors; thus, we should strive to do whatever it takes to make Him look good – reflecting His integrity and excellence to a watching world.

Even if it means doing hard, inconvenient tasks in our homeschool days.

Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God (2 Corinthians 5:20).

On a practical level, think of what failing to enforce deadlines teaches your student about the real world. When rent or the electric bill comes due, deadlines become quite important. If your student goes to college, they will need to submit their work on time. If they enter the work force, they will still be required to show up on time and meet goals or target dates for their work.

Slippery deadlines are a HUGE temptation as a homeschooler. Yet I urge you – do not be careless with this vital skill. It has far too many real-world ramifications.

When you’re tempted to “show grace” on a deadline, imagine a doctor rolling in a couple of hours after the scheduled surgery while you lay prepped on the table or an electrician putting off an appointment to fix a smoking outlet for a week or two. Then be firm and hold your students accountable.

Homeschooling as a Job

One major way to keep yourself engaged is to treat homeschooling (or parenting) like a “real” job – even though it is a job you pay to do rather than getting paid.

Think of it as your full-time career with the Lord as your boss – because, well, that’s exactly what is going on if you are called to homeschool.

Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ (Colossians 3:23-24).

With this in mind, imagine your response if you sent your kids to a public or private institution and discovered the teachers were busy scrolling Instagram, never bothered to look over homework, or just decided to take the day off and watch movies once or twice a week.

Most of us would be outraged to discover this was going on in school, yet we find it all too easy to excuse the exact same behaviors in ourselves! Not cool.

Your kids’ education and well-being is worth the effort it takes for you to do the job well – not perfectly, of course, but to the best of your ability.

Don’t underestimate the trickle-down effect of slack behavior. If you demonstrate negligence, your kids will pick up the cue that cutting corners or scrimping on quality is an acceptable way of living life. Instead, model hard work, integrity, and personal sacrifice for the sake of God’s ways so they learn to do the same.

Whoever is slack in his work is a brother to him who destroys (Proverbs 18:9).

Stay Engaged in Kingdom Work

Finally, stay engaged and look for gospel opportunities throughout your day. Homeschooling is not only about educating your child’s mind but also about discipling his heart. It is Kingdom work, and it is work with an eternal impact.

Keep the Word of God foremost in all you do. Look for chances to point out God’s work in your daily life, and draw attention to evidence of His mercy, grace, and goodness. Exalt Him wherever possible, even in the mundane details of your homeschool.

Final Thoughts

While it seems as if these years will drag on forever, they won’t. Your time with your children is precious and limited. Don’t squander it. All of the advice I’m writing out comes from a place of mingled regret where I failed and joy where I succeeded in my homeschool and parenting.

In homeschooling, I had no mentor, and I learned a great deal from failures. My heart’s desire is to give you a leg up so you can land on the other side with more successes and fewer failures than I. And above all, my hope is God can be glorified through sharing both my mistakes and my successes in homeschooling and beyond.

Homeschool Advice: Part 5 | Keep the End Game in Mind

~ Heather Davis ~ Leave a comment

Today’s topic is part parenting, part homeschooling, and applicable to both: keeping an eye on the end game. What I mean is this: as you parent and teach, remember the job is to prepare your children to grow into adults who are willing to follow God at all costs; to stand firm on truth even in world hostile to truth and to be able to function long after you have been called home.

Parenting for the End Game

While it may sound idyllic to raise children in an environment free from difficulty, failure, and suffering, such a situation would actually be detrimental to their development. Without difficulty, children do not learn to trust God in times of trial; they do not learn to be resourceful and resilient. Free from any suffering, children cannot develop character and hope. Without failure, they never learn to get back up and keep going.

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
(Romans 5:3-5)

Failure in particular is so critical to development, I am planning an entire post dedicated to it, so stay tuned.

Keep in mind that the job of a Christian parent is to raise children who become functional, godly adults. The end game is, put simply, to work yourself out of a job by preparing your kids to become men and women who no longer need you. One way to do this is to encourage them to try difficult things.

By “encouraging them to try difficult things,” I’m not saying you should hand your four-year-old a meat cleaver and have her start hacking a hunk of beef into stew meat. But you can be appropriate for each age and stage and still think forward. Provide opportunities for your kids to challenge themselves, to strive for independence, to grow.

Practically speaking, let your two-year-old attempt to dress herself even if she decides to wear purple polka-dot tights with a bright orange and yellow striped tank dress and fairy wings. It may not be what you would choose for a trip to the library, but at least she’s learning a necessary skill.

Encourage your five-year-old to pour his own breakfast cereal. Enlist all ages to help with household chores, even if they don’t do a stellar job. Praise the effort anyway.

Establish nutrition boundaries and have your six-and-ups pack their own lunches for school or homeschool tutorials or field trips. Have them fold and put away their own clothes as soon as dexterity allows (even if it isn’t perfect), and once they’re tall enough to reach the laundry controls, teach them to do their own laundry.

Start laying the ground work now so they will know how to function if you end up sick – or worse. Such skills will not harm them now and can only help them in the future even if they are somehow spared any future difficulties.

Teaching for the End Game

While all the above advice could arguably be incorporated into school as “life skills,” it is primarily geared toward parenting. For the homeschooler, teaching for the end game is just as important. This means teaching with an eye to preparing them for the next step God calls them to – whether it is college, career, marriage, or something else.

As you plan your homeschool, there are two facts you should keep in mind:

1. You Do Not Know God’s Individual Call for Each Child

For your part as a homeschooler, do your best to leave all available doors open. Teach with the goal of preparing them so college is an option for them, regardless of whether or not they take it. Not all children should go on to college, but you certainly don’t want to be guilty of closing that avenue for them before they even have a chance to decide.

      One practical way to do this is by establishing a homeschool environment with structure and routine. While your homeschool cannot – and should not – look and feel exactly like a public or private school, it is wise to set up structures easily adaptable into those environments, just in case. You literally never know what the future holds, so keep the possibility of future public- or private-school attendance in mind when setting goals and planning curriculum.

      Phrased simply, teach your kids as though you might not be there tomorrow, because you never really know.

      2. You do not know how long God will call you to homeschool.

      Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that” James 4:13–15 (ESV).

      We live in a broken world, and because of that, terrible tragedies happen. Twice during my kids’ lifetimes, I contracted meningitis. By the grace of God, neither case was bacterial. Though both cases involved hospitalization and left residual health issues in their wake, I was able to continue being both mom and teacher.

      However.

      Both times made me realize how fleeting life really is. Had one or the other been a bacterial infection, there’s a solid chance I would not be writing these words today. It’s a good reminder that none of us ever know the date our lives will be required of us.

      Morbidity aside, there are other reasons your homeschool may be more temporary than you planned. It’s wise not to assume you will always homeschool and so lay a suitable foundation for your children to build on regardless of what tomorrow holds.

      Always hold your plans loosely, submitting them to the Lord who is the Master Planner. His plans are far better than ours, and we must submit to them even if we don’t understand – even if it means He calls your kids to another schooling environment.

      So in all your teaching, planning, and preparation, do the best you can to make sure your kiddos know how to learn no matter what their circumstances. This way, whether the future holds public school, private school, college, or career, or whatever – they will be ready.

      Homeschool Advice Part 4 | Practical Prioritizing

      ~ Heather Davis ~ 3 Comments

      Now that I’ve emphasized the importance of prioritizing school, I thought it best to offer some practical advice on how to do this. Once you’ve reminded yourself that you are the parent and the teacher, it’s time to implement the actual “doing school” part. I promise this one will be much shorter. 🙂

      Basic Prioritizing

      When my kids were young, we kept roughly the same school schedule as our county’s public school. However, there were discrepancies. For example, we might not take President’s Day off even when our public school neighbors did, but we might take another day off for, say, a family visit while public school was in session.

      Yet this proved problematic. If my kids knew their neighborhood friends were out of school while they were still in class, I soon learned they would rush through their subjects without really attending to them in order to get to play time. One way I stopped this was to establish school hours. I would tell them no one was allowed to go out and play between the hours of 8:00 a.m. – 1:00 p.m. or so (the hours differed year by year, and I made sure to build in enough time for them to complete their subjects fully, even in high school).

      We faced another complication in our early school years. The city we live in is split between two counties. So while our county might start school at the same time we did, the other county (at the time) started a couple of weeks later. Thus, our friends from the other district often invited us to the pool after we’d started school.

      Because I didn’t want school to be a burden, I tried to balance the way I handled such events. Occasionally, I would just say no, though I tried to make my nos rare so they would really count. More often, I would build flex time into our schedule.

      One way I did this was to ramp up into the school year by starting our longer-running subjects early. For example, we might do two days a week of two subjects two weeks before the “official” start of school, then do three days the following week, and get into full-time school the third week. This way, we had some built-in flexibility, we were eased into the school year, and it made school a more natural part of our life.

      Ramping up also closed the gap between the last day of school and the first day, so the sudden structure of the school day was less of a shock. This was by far my favorite method.

      Daily Priorities

      In addition to the school day itself, there are ways to practically prioritize subjects within the day. This will look different for each family depending on your individual strengths and weaknesses. For my kids, it worked best to do the harder and less fun subjects first thing after breakfast.

      Once my kids were about 8-9 years of age (about third grade), I began to enforce a wake up time. School started at 8:30 a.m. sharp, and they were expected to be in class and ready to learn. Of course, I made accommodations for situations like an unexpected late night or mild illnesses, but overall we kept to this schedule.

      Having the routine in place helped the kids be mentally and physically ready to learn, as well as preparing them to set and keep schedules in future endeavors, such as college or career. It also helped me plan doctor’s appointments, dinners, ministry activities, and the like.

      In the mornings after breakfast and Bible, we would start with math, spelling, or grammar. We kept all our more academic subjects before lunch. At lunch time, we would eat together and then enjoy a read aloud (a book above the highest reading level that I would read aloud to them). After lunch came fun history projects, science labs, nature walks, or more hands-on subjects.

      I also found it useful to keep ALL fun activities after lunch whenever possible, including extracurricular activities, at least while my children were in elementary school. After a short stint at a 10:00 a.m. dance class, I quickly realized that the time to get ready, get to class, and get back in time for lunch left my kids mentally checked out for school. Dance class days began to feel like a day off, so we shifted to find extra curriculars that started later in the day.

      As they got older, this rule was bent because they began to understand the importance of getting their school work done. When my son was a teenager, he was involved in Karate for Christ and was asked to teach some early classes. I told him he could do it as long as he kept school a priority, but if his grades slid, Karate would have to go. This was a fabulous growing experience for him and he handled it well, demonstrating to me his maturity by handling both commitments without letting either one waver.

      This is the method that worked for us, but I know other families who have found their kids understood math better in the evenings than the mornings. The great thing is to experiment the first few years and find the rhythm that works best for your individual family needs. Then stick to it. Period.

      No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it (1 Corinthians 10:13).

      Homeschool Advice Part 3 | Getting Started

      ~ Heather Davis ~ Leave a comment

      Besides three myth-busting posts (1, 2 & 3), I’ve also offered two other posts’ worth of advice just prior to this one. However, before we go much further, I want to offer encouragement to the possibly nervous prospective homeschooler. Let’s face it: taking your kids’ education into your own hands can be daunting. If you’re like me, you may tend to drown yourself in what-ifs or start worrying about your ability to teach Algebra 2 before your little one has even learned the alphabet. If this is you, allow me to offer a little advice for getting started.

      You Will Grow into It

      For starters, you are not required to homeschool all the grades right off the bat. Whether you start in Kindergarten or you’re pulling your middle schooler out of a toxic environment to homeschool, the good news is that you will start where you are and grow into it. Don’t worry about the next step, but keep your mind on what you need to do today. God will give you the light you need for where you are now. Learn to live and thrive right there, trusting Him for what’s next.

      Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.
      (Psalms 119:105)

      A friend of mine likes to comment on this verse by saying the promise is for a light for our path, not a floodlight to illuminate the whole journey. He’s not wrong. God will give us what we need when we need it, and sometimes just in the nick of time.

      Don’t forget, God’s call to homeschool may or may not be for the duration of your child’s education. I thought I would homeschool until college, but the Lord had other ideas. The year before my kids went to private school, I couldn’t have imagined us being able to afford it. Yet when God wanted them to go, He provided – and they went.

      With this in mind, I encourage you to seek the Lord each year to clarify what’s next. If He calls you to teach your own all the way through high school graduation, you can trust Him to provide the necessary tools or people in your life to fill the gaps in your own ability. With resources like homeschool co-ops, tutorials, personal tutors, Khan Academy, and more, you are definitely not alone in the journey.

      So my friend, don’t worry about how you’ll teach Finite Mathematics or Physics to your five-year-old. Focus on what you need to teach your children today, and trust the Lord to provide the light for the next step if and when you need it.

      You Are the Parent

      Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.
      (Proverbs 22:15)

      When it comes to the actual fact of doing school, it’s important to remember that your child is not in control. This may be an unpopular opinion, but I vehemently despise unschooling for the very reason that it is nothing more than lazy parenting wrapped in a cutesy label. There are foundational subjects that must be learned in order to become a functional member of any society.

      Indeed, subjects such as basic math, reading comprehension, and critical thinking are also vital for a person’s own protection against manipulation from a variety of levels. And it’s up to you, the parent, to enforce this learning.

      Is it difficult? Yes! Absolutely. Parenting is not always easy, and homeschooling is basically non-stop parenting with a side of reading, writing, and arithmetic.

      Your kids will push your buttons. They will wheedle and whine and try to distract you from getting to school. They will pretend to be sick; they will take forever to eat breakfast; they will drop their pencils 87 times and take a full minute to pick them up each and every time.

      You will have days where you feel outnumbered (because if you have more than one child, you are), and you’ll have days where you find yourself casually perusing the intake forms at overseas boarding schools.

      But if you are called, don’t give up. Pray without ceasing, take a deep breath, and remind yourself: you are the parent, and by God’s grace, you can do this. Then, soldier on.

      You Are the Teacher

      When your children complain that they hate math or despise reading, tell them it’s OK – it’s actually good for us to do things we don’t enjoy! I used to tell mine, “I totally understand. I hate cleaning toilets and I don’t really feel like cooking dinner tonight, but I’ll bet you’re glad I’ll do it anyway.”

      Don’t be deceived by the homeschooling catalogues that show smiling children, eyes filled with wonder and eagerly tackling their subjects while mom beams down with unruffled hair and pride. You may have a golden day or week, but much of homeschooling is far more like trying to get chores done well, only these chores make a difference whether your kids have a firm educational foundation or not.

      It’s your job as the teacher to facilitate learning in the best way you know how. Teach to the best of your ability. Ask God – daily – for wisdom on how to teach. He will give you ideas on how to get topics across to your kiddos if you just ask, so ask away. But most of all, keep your expectations of your homeschool, your children, and yourself in reasonable bounds.

      Part of being the teacher is setting and keeping priorities. And you know what? School is a priority. I’ve already written about keeping God’s Word and prayer first. Second should be the hard work of school, no matter what else.

      Here’s the thing about homeschooling: there are a bazillion distractions. There are a ton of fun things to do, places to go, field trips to take, social opportunities to indulge. All these are good, but they can quickly overtake time you need for the basics of grammar, reading, and math. It is vital to set school hours and keep them as stringently as possible, even if there are necessary interruptions like sickness and doctor’s visits.

      This not only establishes your homeschool as a priority, it teaches kids how to prioritize work over fun and prepares them to be self-disciplined. With the amount of work-from-home options available today, it may also give them skills needed for a future career.

      School Is a Priority for You, Too

      And mom or dad? This means for you, too. School hours are just that – for school. Resist the urge to space out and play games on your phone while your kids pretend to do work. Stay engaged and keep them on task. Imagine how outraged you’d be to find out your child’s school teacher was scrolling Facebook while the class did whatever they wanted, and hold yourself to the same standard.

      Remember, homeschooling is still a job even though it doesn’t bring an income. Keep in mind your “boss” is no less than the Almighty God, so treat His calling with the diligence you would a career (or more so) despite the lack of pay.

      After all, the privilege of participating in shaping the minds of the future, while it may not make you wealthy or well-known on earth, will honor God and become a part of your eternal inheritance – an inheritance that will neither fade nor fail.

      Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ (Colossians 3:23-24).