(Note: I did borrow this idea from my friend and fellow blogger, Laura Baggett. I won’t be doing it at every birthday as is her tradition, but I wanted something special to honor my Man on his 40th birthday. Thanks for the inspiration, Laura!)

To my Man,

In reality, I suppose, we have only known one another for about 15 years, but I feel like I have known you my whole life. In some ways, I have. I came to know Christ after I met you, and in that way you have been there for each moment of my new life—my time of surrender, my first steps as a Christian; learning to walk like a disciple. Learning to talk like one. You were an integral part of all of it and are now as much a part of me as my arm or my heart.

We certainly did not have a typical beginning, did we? I don’t foresee any fairy tales being written of our “courtship.” Neither of us knew Christ then. Those were difficult days, and I confess that I did not appreciate you much at the time. Let’s face it: we both had a good deal of growing up to do. However, as I reflect back on those days, I see now with the perfect vision of hindsight that you were always a man willing to sacrifice deeply for his family.

I remember when I found out I was pregnant with our firstborn. I did not handle the news well. But you did—you knew just what to do. You showed unflagging love to me when I was unlovable, even when I didn’t want to be loved. You were willing to work ridiculous hours to ensure that we did not have to put our baby in the care of strangers. We surely weren’t living the American Dream at the time, huh? One car, basic phone service, a 4-room duplex in a shady side of Nashville, a 13-inch TV with missing buttons. . . yet you never complained. While many men your age were hanging out with their buddies, watching the game, hitting the bars, buying the latest and greatest gadgets, and padding their man caves, you were studying, learning, and working – so much work — in order to provide for us.

When the second baby came along, you moved us away from the seedy side to a beautiful neighborhood in a family friendly community. When the third was on the way, you uncomplainingly moved us closer to my family.

All this rumination on the past makes me realize that I have an immense appreciation for you now. For who you are. For what you are becoming in our Lord. I am proud of my strong, capable, handsome, and dedicated man. I am grateful that God prevented me from running back when my life was dominated by fear and self-loathing. I have seen glimpses of the difficulty and darkness of your past, and I am astounded at the hurdles God has helped you to overcome.

Though your relationship with your own father was strained at the best of times, you have not given into despair. You choose instead to look to your Heavenly Father for wisdom and advice. You have loved both me and the children sacrificially. You have endured bitter, long hours in the corporate world when you would rather be outdoors just so we can be faithful to God’s call to homeschool our little brood. These sorts of sacrifices do not go unnoticed; they are of great value to our children and for me.

As a father, I love that you make our daughters feel valued and beautiful, encouraging them in their gifts and talents and giving them a good idea of how a lady should be treated. You are firm but loving with our son, always careful to balance the hand of discipline with that vital reassurance of love and acceptance that he needs. You have amazed me in each new season of parenting, always stepping in just when I am at the end of my rope, always supporting me and even guiding me through the rough times.

You amaze me in each season of our marriage, as well. You have been the calm center to my emotional whirlwinds. When we were having babies, you were there for each birth, there to provide for each additional mouth to feed. When I am exhausted and irritable, you are unafraid to tell me point-blank when I need to take a nap. You exercise your God-given authority with grace, yet boldly when the situation calls for boldness. You are decisive when I waffle. You are my perfect complement. I am so thankful to God that He brought us together, even using our sin to humble us both, bring us to repentance, and to display His perfect grace and mercy.

I am thankful for the difficult times we have had, times that remind us that God will see us through anything the future may hold. I am thankful for every moment we have to spend together, no matter what we do with it. I am thankful you put your God and your family first, forsaking other things you might like to do in order to obey God’s greater will and plan. I am thankful for your help in training our children, for your compassion in dealing with my moodiness, for your steadiness.

I look forward to growing old (or, well, older!) with you, to watching you with our grandchildren, to being at your side through whatever challenges may face us in the days to come. I have such enormous confidence in you. I love you more with each new wrinkle and grey hair we add to our respective collections. You are highly esteemed in my world, loved with all my heart, and yours is all the devotion that does not belong to our King. I am delighted to be your Woman.

Here’s to 40 years gone by and, Lord willing, decades more together!  Though our flesh and our hearts may fail, the Lord our God is our strength and our portion forever

Happy birthday, Hon!!

In honor of Throwback Thursday, here is a peek at a meditation from February of 2011:

Afflicted

During a discussion about the first chapter in 2 Corinthians, I kept thinking of a platitude that I have commonly heard, namely, that God will not give us more than we can handle. I began to wonder where I had heard this and, indeed, if it was even Biblical… I know that I, myself, have said it often. Out of the blue, however, I could only think of one verse that comes anywhere close to that.

If I am mistaken and simply unable to call to mind a crucial verse or passage saying that God will not give us more than we can handle, please correct me! However, the closest I could come off the top of my head was 1 Corinthians 10:13 where it is said, “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation He will also provide the way of escape that you may be able to endure it.” Note that this verse does not say that God will not dish out more than we can take, but that He will not allow us to be tempted beyond what we can bear. This is not referring to trials or affliction but specifically to temptation. We also know that God does not tempt anyone (James 1:13) although He will permit us to be tempted in order to test and prove our faith and faithfulness, or to expose areas where we need to surrender to Him. It is important to differentiate: He sends trials, but He does not send temptation — that is the work of the one called Accuser and Tempter, the father of lies. However, the trials God sends are often far more than we are capable of handling on our own. Let’s take a closer look.

In verse 8 of chapter 1 of 2 Corinthians, Paul says, “we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself,” (emphasis mine). Paul, it seemed, had more than he could handle at the time. However, he goes on to say in verse 9, “… but that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God…” As I pondered these words, I began to think of the many verses on suffering, affliction, and tribulation that the Bible contains, and I could not think of a single one where it was promised that we would never receive more than we could handle. In fact, the implication often was that we must patiently endure the tribulation (John 16:33, Romans 5:3, 8:35, 12:12, 2 Timothy 2:3, et al). Indeed, we see that God often sends affliction to refine and shape us (Isaiah 30:20, 48:10, 2 Corinthians 4:17, et al). Jesus, also, told His disciples that when He went away, the Helper would come who would convict the world of sin, of righteousness, and of judgement. This Helper, the Holy Spirit, would also “guide them into all truth” (see John 16:7-13). As a point of fact, why would we need the Helper, this Parakletos, which means both helper and consoler, intercessor and comforter if there was no suffering to come? Who needs comfort if there is nothing to need comfort from?

I have been mulling these things over for the past few days, and I can only say that I stand corrected. No longer do I believe that God will not burden me beyond my strength, as I have said before. I do say He will provide a way out when I am tempted to doubt His goodness during those trials or afflictions, but it is still my choice to take it. However, I dare say that God will, indeed, burden me beyond my strength in order that His power will be made perfect in my weakness, and so all will know of His might and not of mine. When I have health trouble that bogs me down, dulls my mind, and makes my job seem impossible, past trials that seem to drag on my emotions like an anchor, or any other affliction or trial, let it never be said, “Look what Heather endured and how strong she was to stand through it all,” but instead, “Look what the Lord has brought her through, weak and small though she is. How merciful, how wonderful, how majestic is He!”

At our community group tonight (note to any readers not from our church: you may read “community group” as “small group,” “Bible study group,” “bunch-of-Jesus-freaks-who-hang-out-eat-and-pray-together group,” or whatever you are most comfortable with), we were discussing service. Interestingly, and very likely not coincidentally, God has been dealing with me in this area recently. Specifically, He has been working on my heart in the service I provide to my family.

I will be honest, I have been chafing at the bit a little lately. There are so many unfulfilled desires–time to work out, a house that stays clean for more than 10 minutes, hikes I would like to take, time to write, conversations I long to have or people I would enjoy spending time with without having to break up a sibling argument or find a lost headband… and plenty of others. I am ashamed to admit that my thoughts have dwelt far more on these things of late rather than on my husband and children. I turned these cares over to my Father in prayer, and He replied, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow Me.”

This is not what I wanted to hear.

“But God!” I argued, “I am so tired! I need to somehow teach these children, manage my household, minister to my husband, and the list just goes on and on and on. I badly want to get back in shape, but for that I need time. And sometimes such and such a thing irritates me so. I just don’t feel that I can deal with it anymore. Wouldn’t this scenario be a better one for my life? I really think I would have more joy if only You would change ______.”

“… let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow Me.”

“Lord, I feel like that is all I’ve ever done is deny myself! Remember this thing I did and  that one and this other? Can’t I just this once ______?”

“…let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow Me.”

“Oh, but it is so, so heavy and I am so weak! I want to serve You with joy, but my cross is too heavy for me and I feel I am just trudging ahead numbly.”

“Heavier than the weight of all the sins of all time, past, present and future? Heavier than what My Son bore for you; He who was with Me since the beginning, enduring separation from Me–not because He sinned, as you have, child–but because He chose to bear your sins out of love? Is your service weightier than His, child? Deny yourself, take up your cross daily and follow Me.”

So here I am again, absolutely convicted and not really liking it; praying for the grace to follow Him and for the desires of my heart to be aligned fully with His.

Father, please turn my heart around  and make me Your faithful servant. Help me to carry the cross You have given me, not because I must, but because I love You so. Grant me the grace to take up my cross daily with an attitude of eager privilege, participating in some minute way in the sufferings of my Lord and Master. Give Your servant a greater love for You and a lesser love for my own comforts and cravings. May I yearn only for more of You. I ask for this grace in Jesus’ name, amen.