And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.
Galatians 6:9-10
Life is tough. There’s just no way around it.
As I tap these words out, I am on the 23rd consecutive day of a headache (save a few hours’ break here and there) that has ranged in intensity from just annoying to someone please choke me out.
Still, even with the headache, I am incredibly grateful for the gift f this time: time to pause and breathe after the whirlwind of nonstop parenting and educating chaos that is homeschool; time to get my bearings and figure out if I have what it takes to make it as an author; time to come up with Plan B if I don’t.
Even still, life is tough. Not having the kids around 24/7 does not diminish their presence in my mind. They each have junk to wade through, and wading through modern teen junk is a sticky business. However, raising them, I am forced to think back to when I was a teenager <shudder> and remind myself that it could be much worse.
Yet thinking back also reminds me of the microcosm that is their worldview right now; a fact which was brought very clearly to the forefront in a conversation with my 16-year-old yesterday. I mentioned a question he had asked me recently, and he replied, “That wasn’t recently. That was my sophomore year.”
I credit God alone that I held my tongue, but all I could think was, “Dearest son, do you mean waaaaaay back 2 1/2 months ago to your sophomore year?”
Oddly enough, in my mind, May still qualifies as “recently.”
And those are the small, nagging, daily problems: the relentlessness of pain, the thorniness of relationships… There are much bigger problems afoot. Loved ones with dementia, the burden on their caretakers, unsaved friends and family members who are literally destroying themselves from the inside out. Disease. Heartbreak. Cruelty. Suffering.
Then, too, there is the constant ache for friends who are suffering their own dilemmas and trials. Beyond that, my brothers and sisters in Christ around the world are being tortured, imprisoned, brutalized, cast out, and killed for proclaiming faith in Jesus as Messiah and Lord.
And the illogic. Don’t even get me started about the utter rejection of absolute truth, logic, or reason. I agree fully with Malcom Muggeridge when he said, “We have educated ourselves into imbecility.”
No doubt. We’ve reasoned ourselves right past rationality and into a highly amorphous state of emotionalism. As another friend pointed out, we’ve gone from hieroglyphics straight through the high works of prose and poetry all the way back to emojis.
We have embraced separation of God and… well, everything and flung our liberty in His face with wild abandon only to find that in reality, we have merely come full circle. We’ve followed our hearts only to find that the triumphant footsteps we have been walking in are our own.
What a weary business modern life has become!
I have to wonder if this future was in the mind of the Lord when He had His last, private discourse with the Twelve … or rather, the Eleven. Judas had already departed and was bartering the Messiah’s life for a small sack of silver.
At any rate, I have been reading John 15-16 repeatedly for the last several days and noted that Jesus emphasized the need for the disciples to remain, to obey, and to love. Remain in Me… if you keep my commands, you will remain in Me… love one another, but above all else remain in Me, for apart from Me, you can do nothing.
I paraphrase, but read John 15 a few times. He repeats the word “abide” ten times in the first ten verses alone. (“Abide,” by the way, means to remain or continue). Emphasis is put on loving God, loving each other, and keeping His commands – and once He has reiterated his reiteration, He warns them of trouble.
The latter part of chapter 15 and much of 16 speaks much of persecution and sorrow, but also of joy. Living for Truth is tough, much tougher than going along with the societal current. Naturally, it is easy to become weary and discouraged.
But any careful reader of the Word will know that persecution and rejection were always part of the package. The Lord Himself warns them multiple times, even right up to moments before He is taken into custody… and through them, He warns us.
But please note that He first assures them of His love and their need to remain in it.
There is hope, but it is not here on this earth. Our hope is in remaining steadfast through the birthpains of life in the tangled mess of sorrow, joy, anguish, grief, suffering, and peace that is our lot, because someday it will all be worth it.
There is trial, but there is beauty even in the trial.
Even so, come Lord Jesus!
“I have said all these things to you to keep you from falling away…
…When a woman is giving birth, she has sorrow because her hour has come, but when she has delivered the baby, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world. So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you.
John 16:1, 21-22
Running the Race 
“amorphous state of emotionalism.” That’s a good good phrase. Are you sure this is just a tenacious migraine? Have you had one this long before?
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Well, yes and no. Yes, I’ve had headaches linger this long or longer, but no I’m not entirely sure it’s all migraine. It definately flares from time to time, but I’ve had some other weird symptoms, too, although it’s been MUCH better the last 3-4 days. It did drive me to finally search out a headache specialist in my region (who is booked until April), and my doc is also running bloodwork for tick-borne illness which hasn’t come back yet. I’m thankful that it seems to have turned a corner, though!
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So glad you’re looking further. You’re worth it
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Aww, thanks! 🙂
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Heather, I remember reading of the persecution of some of the first martyrs. Their joy to suffer for Christ was greater than any we will ever know. There is something of His presence during the difficult times that we do not experience any other time. With each one, we can say it is worth all that we suffer here. And then what joy we anticipate when He brings us full circle ~ home to be with Him. Praying for blessings during your bouts with headaches. Have a blessed week.
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Thanks so much, Frances! I have really felt such a crazy mingling of sorrow and joy lately. Joy in the presence of my Lord but sorrow for so many friends and family who are going through such ordeals. I am praying for many people who desperately need that thread of joy to infuse their sorrow! Blessings to you as well. 🙂
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Oh dear! Hours of a bad headache thrashes me, but the longest I’ve ever had is four days. I can’t imagine what you are going through. I’m so sorry. It is so difficult to function with pain of any kind. Mold sickness and a neck injury from an auto accident made/makes headaches too frequent for my liking. I feel your pain and ask God to alleviate it for you. You’ve written a great post. I agree. Although I do believe that even though our ultimate hope is heaven when all will be made right, God gives us hope even now. I think the famous verse, Jeremiah 29:11, was actually referring to a future and a hope while God’s people were in exile. He was telling them to live well even in a place of exile after the destruction of Jerusalem and the take over by Babylon (enemy). It’s kind of hard to live that way, but I’m trying to focus on Jesus IS my hope, not only what he will bring. Hope that encourages you. (And yes, you have what it takes as a writer!)
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Oh, thanks for your confidence, Laura! I’m learning that being an author/freelancer takes a bit more than a decently-crafted sentence, though. However, I fully trust that if it’s God’s will, He will show me the way!
As for the headache, it started mild, was pretty horrible for a week, and seems to be tapering off. It’s really not too bad, but I admit that it does sometimes tempt me to fall into discouragement. I’m not sure how clear-headed I was when I tapped this post out (probably not very! lol!) but I can honestly say that I have been experiencing the truth behind Psalm 16:11 lately (in Your presence is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore). Still, I am so torn in half between wanting Him to come back and wanting Him to delay for those friends and family who are not saved. I can defintely see where Paul was coming from! I agree – Jesus is definitely my hope! I badly want to kind of spread that around to my hurting friends, family, and neighbors… and myself when I have a bad moment. 😉
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Patience is key. I agree!
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Although my comment is coming a bit late (considering our very recent friendship), I would like to ask how well you feel now.
Although I am young, my experiences of pain and suffering (bodily and otherwise) have been opportunities to learn more about the way of Christ, His Faithfulness at all times and my absolute inability without Him.
I have experienced the miraculous. Sickness fleeing by the power in the Name of Jesus. But I have also experienced something similar to Job’s. These and more illustrate 2 Corinthians 1:3-10. God comforts us in harsh moments and through them prepares us to be tools of comfort to others in similar suffering. Our only hope is Christ and this Hope does not fail.
Best wishes Heather. ☺
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This is so true, and thank you for your comforting words! I have also learned more about our Lord through pain than I ever imagined. Just knowing He chose to endure pain helps me see how great His love really is!
I think that I was in a fairly dark place when I wrote this, so in that way I am feeling much better. Physically… well, I just pray that I will never forget to praise Him in both joy and pain!
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You definitely have what it takes as a writer. God’s perfect timing. I’m just now “seriously” come back around to it literally two decades after I began. It helps that both boys are now out of the house 😉
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I can only imagine! My youngest just turned 13 but it seems like the empty nest days are coming all too quickly. I’m sure I’ll have plenty of time for writing and photography all too soon.;-)
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It goes quick! People always tell you that when you are in the middle of “something” and you kind of nod your head and think not soon enough while bogged down with the demands of kids. But I tell you it’s like I blinked and I was no longer shuffling between high school activities but college decisions!
I do miss the kids terribly but I realize it is time for them to stretch their wings. I can’t try and protect them forever. I just pray over them constantly. As we get older the seasons seem to change faster and faster. Now, I’m just wanting to fulfill God’s purpose for my life, whatever He deems that to be. And when I can enjoy His beauty in the process! 😉 Have a great weekend!
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You sound so much like me in the way you think! I know I will miss my kids when they leave – and I already miss them as babies – but I also feel like if they didn’t leave, I wouldn’t have done my job of raising htem correctly. Right now, during the season where they are starting to pull away, it is definitely bittersweet. I miss them as little ones, but at the same time I enjoy seing them kind of come into their own. Prayer, absolutely – I pray for them all the time. It’s a little scary to know they have to decide for themselves, but I trust that the Lord who began a good work in them will bring it to resolution! I definitely want to fulfill God’s purpose for me, and He has opened doors that often amaze me. It’s a good place to be! Have an beautiful weekend yourself! 🙂
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🙂
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written so eloquently. Thank you for sharing this part of your heart. You are a writer through and through.
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Thanks so much for your encouragement!
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